Why not send former Kingston-resident Love Doctor your relationship queries? Use the form to submit your question(s).
I’m 52 and have discovered over the past few years that an older women is unsuitable for me. Is it possible to find a girlfriend that is beautiful and attractive?
Love Doctor’s Answer:
Just because things have not worked out romantically with ladies in your own age bracket and older does not mean you should give up looking for love.
If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again is a well-versed motto. And it is one route that I would encourage you follow rather than be so dismissive of all ‘older’ ladies.
You have narrowed it down to only dating much younger ladies because, quite frankly, you are being contemptuous of those women who have attained middle age.
My advice is to learn from your past experiences so that you are aware of what went wrong in your previous relationships. [See What Types Should I Avoid As I’m Rethinking My Future Love Life?]
With the proud national motto of ‘Out of many, one people’ you are truly blessed in Jamaica that there is such diversity.
The Caribbean sea and sun, coupled with being genuinely friendly and naturally hospitable, means that the island attracts people of all class, colour and culture. You can try searching for a new relationship with a tourist [See How Do I Write My Own Love Story With A Dreamy Tourist?] or start breaking down what you are seeking from a new relationship.
When it comes to finding a girlfriend, there are various aspects that you have to consider such as are you after someone to hang around with, to be your soul mate or maybe even spend the rest of your life with? Only you know the answer. But I note that the words love and romance were absent, so maybe you need to be more amorous and charming towards ladies of all ages.
An older women is likely to want to be settling down, and has probably previously been married with a child/children or has been career-driven and now wants more out of life. As those are generally the scenario, you have to decide between these two types of ladies who greatly vary in attitude, character and probably on monetary terms too.
Those who were previously married with children means that you cannot expect to garner her full attention in a relationship, so you must be prepared to be patient. Her children rightly are top priority, but many men find this difficult – especially those who have never become a father. These ladies have plenty of love to offer, but they cannot devote all of their attention to you.
On top of that you also have to ensure that you get on with her child/children, and understand that you will never be the replacement figure to their biological father. This can be a tricky scenario for some, it depends on whether there is resistance, from her child/children or indeed you, to play happy families.
The childless career-minded lady will have liked everything just so, and because she has been earning big bucks for years will no doubt have expensive taste and pretty demanding as a potential partner.
Before we become parents we tend to be selfish, but that trait vanishes once a child is born and our responsibility is focused on the new-born. Accordingly, you could soon become frustrated by this type of lady, who on the plus is likely to give you total attention and devotion away from the office.
When you state the words “beautiful and attractive” it is tremendous that you do not consider both of these go hand-in-hand like many men sadly do. I personally always deem someone only to be beautiful, or very rarely ugly, if their personality and looks echo this. It is the whole package of the person as to whether you consider them beautiful, and ugly is a harsh word that should be seldom uttered.
For example, if you needed a car to reach Kingston for work which would you pick to receive to use? Either a gleaming top-of-the-range sportscar with no engine? Or an average looking safe vehicle that would have no problem dealing with potholes?
If you went for the flashy sportscar then it shows you are swayed by appearance, whereas if you opted for the bog standard car you are looking at the whole package.
Before you consider searching for a young lady to potentially begin a romance you need to know what you are looking for, rather than what you are not seeking. As a single 52-year-old you will have been on the roller-coaster ride of love and romance, so my general advice is to avoid an age gap of more than a dozen years.
Your priority is to work out your value that you could offer a lady. If you look your age then you need to start a new grooming regime and alter your attire to reflect your energy and attitude. Otherwise very few ladies in their late 30s/early 40s are going to consider you future boyfriend material unless they require a father figure.
There are some solutions to finding a long-term relationship if that is what you are truly after. [See What’s A Quick Fix To Finding A Long-Term Relationship?]
But if you are only pursuing a girlfriend for the sake of boosting your ego, then that could ultimately end in tears as will only be short-term fun and games. [See How I Do I Find Short-Term Fizz?]
As well as ensuring that you appeal to these younger ladies in terms of looks/dress sense/places you hang out etc, you must get yourself mentally prepared for what you seek. When these two aspects are in place then you can chase your goal of trying to find a suitable girlfriend, with love and romance potentially blossoming.
It is absolutely 100% possible for you to find a beautiful and attractive-looking lady to enjoy a meaningful relationship with, but follow my advice and avoid lust – as lust will wilt over time, whereas true love will remain in the heart.
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