Is It Too Late To Mend My Jealousy Mistake?
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Question:
I’m coming up to my birthday soon and panicking because I’ve been single for over a year.
I’m hurt as my previous relationship ended abruptly. I walked away because I got jealous, and I’ve since found out that there was nothing to be jealous of.
He was the best man I ever met, and we were soulmates. This was the ultimate romance that had everything. Our chemistry was perfect. He built up my trust with caring gestures. He was romantic and passionate.
I blew my chance because he’s now in a new relationship, and looks happy in his social media photos. How can I check if there’s any way we could get back together without rocking the boat?
B, Lucea
Important dates, whether it is an anniversary, birthday or Christmas Day, can play tricks with our minds in respect of romance. There’s no need to panic about your scenario, it’s absolutely fine to remain single until you are emotionally ready for a new chapter.
Just be careful that you don’t get mixed up between feeling alone and being heartbroken.
It takes time for the heart to properly heal, as we naturally go through a plethora of emotional turmoil that includes anger. You might be kicking yourself for walking away, but on reflection you undertook what you believed was the best course of action at the time.
Life is too short for regrets, but there’s always a way to find solutions for our mistakes.
It seems that you have admitted your mistake by walking away. You need to relay this information to your ex-boyfriend, and apologise, even if it is just for closure.
Although you’ve been single for over a year, your former love interest has moved on but you don’t mention how quickly that occurred.
CHECK HIS NEW ROMANCE
Maybe it was a rebound in response to your exit. Perhaps it is simply a revenge relationship. Or he has waited to heal emotionally before entering this latest romance.
It’s tricky to determine whether you are potentially causing any problems for him without knowing when he began this latest relationship. But you must take the bull by the horns, otherwise this could be a missed opportunity that could upset you for years to come.
You mention that he looks happy via images you’ve seen on social media. You are only tormenting yourself by checking out these platforms for his latest news and photos, because you haven’t planned any actions to make contact.
Maybe deep down you love him to such an extent that you are delighted that he’s happy with someone else, despite being hurt.
Although the green-eyed monster in you caused the break-up, even though that was erroneous, I would imagine seeing photos of him with another lady will be driving you crazy.
ADD AN AIR OF MYSTERY
The solution is to reach out to your ex-boyfriend, and just let him know that you would like to have a catch up with closure. Let this be a pleasant surprise for him.
Don’t turn it into a date, or let him know you still hold a torch for him, otherwise he’s likely to be dismissive of a potential rendezvous and explain that is because he’s in a new relationship.
It is surprising how many couples meet up face-to-face with good intentions of getting back together, only to discover that they were originally blinded by each other’s looks and lust rather than charm and good character.
This is something that you two need to determine if you meet up, because you will be seeing each other in a different light this time and not the usual lovey-dovey scenario.
BIRTHDAY EXCUSE TO MEET
If you were truly soulmates, there’s every chance of being able to rekindle your romance. However, you have to use a subtle and soft approach to possibly lure him back into your life.
With your birthday coming up you can suggest a pre-birthday or post-birthday get together for old times sake. Don’t contemplate meeting on your birthday, because that indicates he is super important to you or you are desperate for some company.
Coming up with an idea that you meet somewhere new puts you on a level playing field, and eliminates any treasured memories at certain venues.
You should give him a choice of two options every time you try to arrange a rendezvous, as then there’s not a yes or no knee-jerk reaction.
You praise this man, and describe him as being your soulmate. However, his latest love interest could also be on the same level as you and have become his soulmate.
This is something that you should be prepared for, so that your feelings and self-esteem are not knocked for six.
FLIRT TO GAUGE INTEREST
If you get the chance to meet up, then you need to apologise for your mistake about being jealous so that he starts to comply with you.
Show genuine interest about what he’s been up to and introduce some basic flirting skills.
After doing plenty of listening, after gauging his interest in you through reading body language and his choice of words about his current situation, you can use the two-one psychology trick to go hell for leather.
Butter him up with two positives from what you’ve heard him tell you, then deliver what you really want to say. In your case you must explain that you truly wish you could turn back time to build back a solid relationship.
Reiterate how much you missed him and state that you want mutual happiness, as you are good for each other in so many ways.
BEST TO BE UPFRONT
The ball is in his court then. As he has a new lady in his life then it is no good suggesting that you spend good quality time together, you have to be direct about your feelings towards him.
Be ready to accept that you may have lost his love and devotion forever, even if the chemistry remains and it feels natural to be together during your rendezvous.
Put on a brave face when he mentions his latest flame, because showing emotional neediness will push him away and ruin any chance of you two ever getting back together.
Some romances are doomed to only last a certain length of time, and come crashing down after the initial passion slips away. This could be happening to him with his latest lady, or about to occur when their honeymoon period is over.
ASK HIS OPINION
You must ask for his opinion on giving your relationship another shot, and listen. If he is dismissive about this, at least you can focus on the future and move on when you feel emotionally ready.
It’s essential that you don’t allow him to always be on your mind and drag you down if you cannot get the romance back on track.
Should a second bite at the cherry be viable, then patiently wait for him to break off his current relationship and don’t hassle him. Just give him a fortnight’s deadline, and stick rigidly to this so that he doesn’t give you the runaround.
Never discuss her if you get back together, because you are the jealous type and you would only hurt yourself with conversations about them.
AVOID FRIEND ZONE
It is imperative to take things slowly to try to reignite romance and intimacy, avoiding the behaviour of an overexcited puppy or even possibly letting your relationship slip into the friend zone.
You must both be fully committed to gradually rebuilding your passion, respect and trust with some long-term goals set out.
If he agrees to being together, your best bet is to revisit places where you enjoyed special times as well as focus on the future by planning some exciting events and trips together.
Not many people get a second shot at romance, so assure him that you won’t storm off again. Offer him the very best version of you this time round, with improved communication and the willingness to compromise.
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