Why not send former Kingston-resident Love Doctor your relationship queries? Use the form to submit your question(s).
My ex-girlfriend has suddenly been on my mind after I got a message that she has a new boyfriend.
This message triggered me to start thinking about her, even though we split up months ago, and she has since blocked me from making contact.
What’s your advice to move on and to stop thinking about her?
Andre – Westmoreland
Love Doctor’s Answer
The past always catches up on people, and this message has either unnerved you or jolted you.
Of course she will play on your mind, probably only on a temporary basis, as you obviously had a loving relationship. However, she is an ex-girlfriend for a reason and it is ill advisable to try to win back her heart.
The fact that she made the effort to inform you that she has entered a new romantic relationship was either to let you know that she had bounced back from your partnership, to let you know not to contact her (even though you probably were not in touch), was trying to make you jealous or was trying to say look at me and screw you.
As she has blocked you then take that as a strong message that she doesn’t wish to hear from you. My advice is to avoid checking her out on social media platforms as you will only wish to compare her new beau to you in terms of looks. This would be a waste of time, and you should try to follow her lead by trying to find a meaningful relationship if you are ready.
It is imperative now to totally avoid the places you could potentially bump into each other – such as bars, supermarkets etc – as you will know each other’s daily/weekly movements. Should you bump into her, then you need to be the gentleman and wish her the very best in her new relationship as well as suggest that one day you would like to be friends.
But you should definitely not discuss the beautiful moments the pair of you embraced, and do not go down the path of re-evaluating the reasons behind your break-up. By starting to think about how either of you could have changed the course of your relationship means there is the potential for a long-lasting negative impact on you both.
If she remains on your mind then you either have nothing else to occupy you or will have to accept that you’re still in love with her. A quick test to work out whether you are still in love with her is if you feel the pain from her no longer being around and, since receiving that message, have begun blaming yourself for your break-up.
To move on when you’re still in love with your ex-girlfiend is tricky, but to do so firstly you need to accept that she is no longer in love with you.
You must start to love yourself, because before your relationship ended you gave your love, attention and importance to this lady. Keep your confidence bubbling, and ensure that you maintain an appearance that keeps you feeling happy.
But ultimately it is time to draw a line under what you had. Time is the only healer should you still be in love with her.
While she is on your mind then harp back to those fantastic times you shared, so that you only have positive thoughts about her. Negative energy is a waste of energy, so stay positive and plan your future by focusing on matters that are important to you as an upgraded version of your ex-girlfriend will appear in due course.
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