Can I Get My Flirting Skills Working?
Why not send former Kingston-resident Love Doctor your relationship queries? Use the form to submit your question(s).
Question:
I’ve been single for ages, but my technique to attract interest is failing big time.
I’ve only been smiling at a woman in a bar or dancehall. Just as she’s about to leave I always hand her my cell phone number on a scrap of paper and tell her my name.
So far I’ve tried this dozens of times and nothing. How can I get positive results?
D, St. Elizabeth Parish
Love Doctor’s Answer:
Well that’s a bit lame to be frank. You are merely going on looks, and expecting these unsuspecting ladies that you approach to also rely on looks.
Men are visual creatures, so naturally you are going to be drawn towards a pretty face as a seriously single chap.
Generally speaking ladies are seeking more depth, so however handsome and flashy looking you are they are more interested in learning about your character.
It sounds as though you are hanging around bars and dancehalls looking a bit sad if you are alone when hunting down single ladies. You have to be careful that you don’t give the wrong impressions by sitting there with a dumb smile on your face staring at these attractive-looking women.
It’s time to consider asking some close friends to go out with you, which will boost your confidence as well as make you more approachable than looking lonely in these places.
You are obviously not doing yourself any favours by failing to initiate some form of interaction. You can introduce yourself and either try to engage in conversation, or ask if you can join in the dance.
By not using any effective chat-up lines then you are missing the trick big time, and it is equivalent to trying to walk through a doorway without opening the door!
My best advice is for you to subtly let any specific ladies know that you are interested by flashing them a quick smile, but then withdraw your blatant interest.
You should then go and stand near the lady you like, but with your back to her and ideally talking to someone else. This is when you need a friend to be your wingman. If the woman you like seems interested in you then she will glance over to try to catch your eye. Yet your friend will be the only face she sees, and he can gauge for you whether you are wasting your time or not.
Should she be showing some interest then all you need to do is to very slowly turn around, so that you are gradually becoming more visible to her. The object is to get within her peripheral vision, and then it makes it easier for you to communicate.
If you fear the chat-up line approach, there are other basic expressions to get moving such as “Your perfume smells fabulous on you, what is it?” or “That watch looks fantastic on you, what’s the brand as I’m intrigued?”
Always state whatever you say “on you”, otherwise you are referring to an inanimate object and nothing to really do with her.
Should the lady be horrible to you then simply retort “I only asked because I thought that perfume/watch/whatever would make a great gift for my grandmother!” She’ll soon storm off and you get your revenge on her with a clever comeback.
Don’t work the room trying to attract half-a-dozen or more ladies in this manner, because it will make you look desperate and prove to be a real turn off for any woman.
If you are too shy to do anything else but approach ladies with a piece of paper as they leave, then you can up the ante to get the required results. Yet you will have to improve your communication skills too.
Also ensure that you smell good, as ladies like this. I would urge you to invest in a good aftershave, so that you can use your current aftershaves as an undercoat with the newer one on top of these. That way you definitely won’t smell like any other men, which should intrigue many of the women you come into contact with.
When you approach any ladies as they leave then you need to apologise for grabbing their attention and tell her something that they would like to hear. Be genuine, as opposed to your current tame and heavy-handed approach that makes these women feel as though they are just an object of your desire.
Have up to a maximum of four pieces of paper prepared before you go out. Write down your first name in capital letters, underneath your cell phone number and the name of the bar/dancehall venue. Then on the other side write down Sunday Dinner or a midweek drink?
This way you are offering value to any ladies that you approach, and not being a bit pathetic by acting off the cuff having eyed her up from afar.
I suggest that you say something like “Sorry to disturb you. I just wanted to say that I couldn’t help but notice you in the crowded bar/dancehall tonight because of your style. Here’s my number (hand her the piece of paper), maybe I can find out if you are as beautiful on the inside as the outside.”
You obviously can’t keep on undertaking the same actions and using the same words, because these will become a task and meaningless to you over time. However, if you follow these tips then you should easily get a good result.
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