How Do I Gauge His Interest?
Why not send former Kingston-resident Love Doctor your relationship queries? Use the form to submit your question(s).
Question:
I’m in my 40s and always wanted to find my perfect partner. I’ve met someone in my weekly group who’s got my heart beating faster. We’ve only flirted and not dated.
I’ve researched his availability and background, all positive, and we seem to be a pretty good match to be a long-term couple.
The only thing holding me back is that I’m very inexperienced when it comes to relationships. I’ve no idea how to get the ball rolling because I’m a bit old-fashioned and I don’t want to scare him away by asking him out. What’s your advice?
G, Kingston
Love Doctor’s Answer:
Well you’ve made a great initial start as you are in the same group, so will have a mutual interest that you can build on, and more importantly you are flirting with each other.
As you believe this man to be the “perfect partner” and have undertaken some detective work, be aware that ladies tend to be naturally attracted to men who ooze confidence and passion as well as leading seemingly exciting lives.
My advice is for you to up the ante as soon as possible as you are so smitten. Your goal should be to use your flirtatious behaviour to bag a date. Otherwise, you will risk the relationship moving into the friend zone, which can be extremely difficult to escape.
Ensure that you touch him appropriately in conversion, with an added smile. He will soon get the message that you like him if you make physical contact, because no one ever touches anyone unless they really like them.
If you help make him smile regularly, then you will have probably unearthed someone who is easy-going and cooperative. This type is particularly attractive to women as they are blessed with more feminine features than a stereotypical man. They usually have full lips, a good head of hair, thin eyebrows and wide eyes.
You need to start evaluating this man’s non-verbal cues and body language to work out whether the attraction really is mutual. Are there some obvious tell-tale signs?
Explore whether he lacks confidence, which can be easily tracked by a lack of eye-to-eye contact and/or poor posture. This could be a reason why you haven’t arranged a date. If this is the case then the onus is on you to make the first move.
It may feel slightly awkward, but you might need to be direct and ask him how he feels about you so there’s no confusion. However, you don’t want to alienate him from you in the group environment if this could scare him off.
A more subtle way towards grabbing his romantic interest is to chat about the group, ensure you get his number and then fire off a flirtatious message as it’s vital to know where you stand.
You must establish before pushing for a date whether you are emotionally ready for a potential romantic relationship. If you get the green light from a flirty message you can alway give him a call, ensuring that you make him feel comfortable rather than waiting for him to ask you out.
Should he not ask you out but sounds interested, then propose two different times to meet up that offer an incentive. For example, such “Would you like to meet up for a drink on Saturday night or would you prefer to go out for Sunday Dinner?” If you can land a date then there are a plethora of ways to impress him.
Although you state that you are a “bit old fashioned” in the dating world, men and ladies have equality. So it is best to go after what you want, as long as you don’t come across like an overeager puppy dog.
If you don’t fancy being brave enough to send a message or by being direct, then maybe try asking him to do you a favour.
This is a brilliant litmus test to establish how he views you. If there are no feelings for you then your request for a favour will be treated as a friend. Should he show genuine enthusiasm, then there’s most likely to be some sexual chemistry bubbling away.
You boldly state that you believe that you could be a good long-term couple, which is optimistic but could be a reality.
As long as you can be devoted enough to invest time and love, not forgetting that you will have to learn to compromise, then there’s no reason for this not to become a rewarding relationship. You just need to get over the first hurdle of landing that first date.
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