Why not send former Kingston-resident Love Doctor your relationship queries? Use the form to submit your question(s).
When these COVID-19 restrictions end I want to find a forever woman as I miss intimacy.
This pandemic has made me realise that time is precious. I am in my late 30s with no children and I want to find a wife. What steps should I take to finding “the one”?
Love Doctor’s Answer:
Loneliness across the island, and indeed the globe, is the result of the pandemic. Understandably these past 18 months have proved particularly tricky times for singletons, with socialising often out of the question.
Yet connection is what a long-term relationship thrives on, and as someone approaching a milestone birthday of 40 it sounds as though you could be on the verge of a mini mid-life crisis.
My advice is to think first before you scramble around and settle for just anyone to fill that void. You will need to find a certain sort of lady who will not frustrate you and vice-versa, once the honeymoon period is over, if you genuinely want to enjoy a lasting and loving marriage.
Romance has been on the wane due to the pandemic, so a meaningful relationship is now highly sought after with a plethora of people hitting the panic button to try to find love via dating apps/websites.
Because these offer such easy accessibility then these avenues are often the initial option for those seeking romance. I personally do not encourage you to rely on this route as so many of these dating apps/sites are either full of fake profiles and/or littered with those who view these platforms as a simple online hook up channel.
Tread with extreme caution as the prospect of finding those seeking a one night stand tends to exceed singletons after a caring relationship.
I suggest you ask colleagues, family and friends about their experiences with digital dating. Their input is invaluable as it will determine whether or not you wish to try these apps/sites.
My advice is that once you have dipped your toe into the oft time-consuming dating apps/sites, which could boost your confidence on a short-term basis, then you should be steered towards face-to-face encounters.
By meeting ladies you can enter conversations, see if there is a genuine connection, fine-tune your flirting skills as well as hone your emotional intelligence. This process will assist in the management of emotions in yourself and others as well as evaluate and offer the perception of whether you are ready for a long-term commitment – like marriage, which you are suggesting.
At the end of the day you are looking for your perfect lady, so you need to know what you are seeking rather than concentrate on what characteristics, looks and traits you are aiming to avoid. Bear in mind that your ideal partner is most likely to be a mirror version of you with some common ground.
As males are visually driven, then I suggest that you consider what you are looking for romantically in both the short- and long-term. But more importantly you need to appreciate what you can offer this ideal lady. Both of these appraisals will increase your confidence and make you feel comfortable, which means that your dates should run smoothly.
My advice is to try and avoid a divorced lady, although that can be a tricky task and narrows it down, as these are the sort who tend to have been hurt by their split and tend to be wary of entering a second marriage.
Yet to get dates in the first place you should ideally frequent the sort of places that your future bride would hang out, whether it is a bar, beach, church, dancehall or tennis court. Be realistic about your looks and interests in order to mix with those females who are on the same level as you.
As long as you can cope with the fear factor of potential rejection then do introduce yourself with your usual charisma and inject positive vibes to any ladies you meet when you feel there could be romance. Obviously avoid those sporting an engagement or wedding ring, and those who do not make eye contact are likely to be in a settled relationship. Avoid lusting after ladies, as you want a relationship and not just a bit of short-term fun.
As you have got the bit between your teeth then it is no use standing back and being shy at these places, otherwise you will miss the opportunity of potentially getting to know any women that you fancy dating.
Should you find this method becomes a bit of a chore, then I suggest speaking once more to your colleagues, family and friends to enquire whether they know any suitable singletons that fit your criteria for a perfect lady.
As many people enjoy playing matchmaker you could be pleasantly surprised by their response. You should also ask them whether you are socialising in the wrong circles to meet your potential bride to be, as you may find that you have your blinkers on.
On dates try not to ooze of desperation, as that will be a turn-off for ladies, and equally you should not be too hasty to get engaged. Mentioning that you wish to get married early on in a new relationship could easily backfire on you because she could easily cool things off.
Ensure that during dates you ask open-ended questions, maintain good eye contact and practice that seemingly rare skill of active listening.
Settling down forever in a relationship is a major decision and to be treated with both trepidation and respect, which is why we all have to go through the ritual of dating.
Just because you are feeling lonely and want intimacy is not really a reason to want to get married. But finding true love will be worth the wait, as long as you tackle the journey with realistic expectations and accept that not every lady’s dream is to get married.
Do not be intimidated out there, instead start creating opportunities to meet suitable women. Remember that Cupid can strike at any time, especially when you are least prepared for it but finding a life partner is a major commitment.
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