Why not send former Kingston-resident Love Doctor your relationship queries? Use the form to submit your question(s).
This lockdown seems to be making my romantic life disappear fast as I’m single, in my early 40s, and I have never been married.
I’m now feeling lonely, so I’m considering joining digital dating sites as I want a loving and caring partner.
But friends always said avoid these because most people are sex starved and aren’t seeking a genuine relationship.
All I want to find is a woman to share my life with, as that would make me very happy. What’s your opinion?
Clifton – Hanover
Love Doctor’s Answer
These are tricky times for singletons, which has resulted in loneliness across the island.
With socialising thrown out of the window, many have pressed the panic button with dating apps/websites deemed the easy option for those seeking romance.
Although your friends are rightly wary of encouraging you to take this route to looking for love, there are genuine singletons on numerous dating apps/sites. However, you need to sieve through these with extreme caution.
There are certain dating apps/sites that are perceived by users as nothing more than an online hook up platform, while the superior apps/sites will always offer the dubious prospect of users seeking one night stands rather than a caring relationship. So your friends are right in many ways to steer you away from these.
My advice is to glean from friends, work colleagues and maybe even family members their experiences with digital dating. Their input will prove invaluable as this will undoubtedly help you come to a conclusion about which apps/sites, if any, that you wish to dip your toes into.
At the end of the day you need to be looking in the right circles for your perfect lady, and so far you have obviously not managed to find her. That means you have probably been mixing and socialising in the wrong circles for the ideal lady – or you have unrealistic expectations.
I suggest that you use this invaluable time of solitude to consider what you are looking for romantically, and also what you can offer a lady. It is worth writing these down, so that if you decide to take the digital dating route you will know what to highlight with your words.
Once you know what you can offer a lady, and are confident in the knowledge of what you are seeking in a long-term relationship, then it is worthwhile speaking once more to your family members, friends and work colleagues to ask if they know any suitable single ladies that fit your criteria. You could be pleasantly surprised by their response, and if they can assist then it will save hours upon hours of being online with digital dating.
There is also the problem of fake profiles online, many by the company themselves to try to entice you to pay the premium monthly price to enter conversations as well as people who are bored or trying to play with emotions.
On top of these issues, remember that pursuing an online relationship can often be like being on a date in a bar but your lady suddenly goes off and chats to a dozen other men right in front of you. How would that make you feel? That is what is most likely to happening digitally, just you cannot see that the lady that you are chatting to is a serial dater.
And if you do arrange a date, even if you feel that you have been struck by a thunderbolt when you meet, please tread with trepidation. Should you be the equivalent of Brad Pitt to her, she probably won’t settle for the magic between you as you are interchangeable – she will most likely have dates lined up with a comparable George Clooney, Johnny Depp and Leonardo DiCaprio.
As you are wishing to find a forever relationship and settle down, it is worth not scrambling around to find just anyone. Try not to be hasty out of sheer desperation, just because you are feeling lonely.
It will be worth the wait. Although admittedly single ladies around your age are going to be harder to find that those much younger, and you have to be realistic in accepting that many will have baggage such as children and/or an ex-husband.
I urge you to utilise this enforced time to re-evaluate what you are seeking, what you can offer and where you can meet the perfect type of ladies. Definitely get family, friends and work colleagues involved to make your pursuit for a caring lady easier.
Cupid can strike at any time, especially when you least expect it, but focus on the future and start creating opportunities to meet suitable ladies as finding love can be a lottery and it’s possible for everyone to be a winner sooner or later.
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