Dear Love Doctor

Can I Move On From Our Perfection?

Why not send former Kingston-resident Love Doctor your relationship queries? Use the form to submit your question(s).


Everything seemed perfect for a little over a year, but now my relationship has come crashing down.

I didn’t see this happening, and I’ve not been given any explanation. So many doubts are whizzing through my head because I thought he was the one, my soul mate.

To add insult to injury he’s blocked me in every way possible. How do I move on?


U, Manchester

Love Doctor’s Answer:

I’m deeply sorry that your loving relationship did not go the distance, although it seems strange that he failed to provide an explanation of why you finished.

He probably still thinks fondly about you, but he’s planned you out his life for whatever reason. There is nothing to keep you in constant contact as far as he’s concerned.

As he clearly doesn’t wish to discuss your former relationship, then it’s no use letting things go through your mind and upset you. It takes two to tango, so please don’t beat yourself up about the demise and accept that he’s lost you.

It’s best that you found out this man wasn’t the one before you got engaged or married. Most partners tend to rush in, but their relationship often comes crashing down once the lust has died after around a year. Although the majority of relationships do drop off after nine months.

You’ve at least avoided that dreadful six-month period in the second year of a romance, when at least one partner feels that they are going through the motions so will start seeking a back-up plan or a messy escape route.

You state that you believed your relationship felt perfect, and by that I have to assume you meant that nothing was ever going wrong between you two.


Having an argument often means that there’s passion within the relationship, and that’s healthy as long as the couple are making progress rather than either of them trying to win the argument.

Arguments help to create a loving yet healthy relationship, and without question the healthiest relationships are the ones that are full of honesty.

When everything seems perfect between a couple, this form of external perfection may only be masking internal devastation from the past for one or maybe both of the partners. This accounts for why a seemingly solid relationship can grind to a sudden and unexpected halt.

For couples to maintain a strong relationship they have to keep evolving to enhance what they have started.

People regularly complain that their partner has changed, but that’s rare to actually happen. What’s really occurred is the fact that the rose-tinted glasses are off, the flaws can be clearly viewed and the honeymoon period is over.

If there is genuine love, then the couple need to accept and respect each other for their strengths and flaws if they want to continue a loving relationship.

To constantly renew the relationship and move forward will only work if both partners can continually let go of all their preconceived ideas about each other, and work together as a ‘dream team’.

Sadly it appears there was no longer a mutual willingness to face your relationship as a loving couple, so the connection was lost and he left. You are suffering shattered dreams and expectations, which needs work on to cope with the break-up.

Love and life are both an ever-deepening adventure, so you need to follow the pair of Jamaican adages of ‘Focus on the future’ and ‘Negative energy is a waste of energy’.


During these turbulent times it’s difficult to know exactly why this man you truly loved is no longer in your life. His blocking your communication will feel like rejection.

If you love someone then set them free. You can’t force him to reopen the channels of communication, so my advice is to begin to love yourself and set yourself free from any overthinking about him being a soul mate.

You need to think about how quickly you can overcome this upset and get yourself ready to start seeking a suitor who’s truly worthy of your affection and time.

I suggest you think back to the time before you met your ex-boyfriend, and consider the sort of men that truly thrilled you.

Harping back to those exciting times could trigger the start of your rediscovery for a meaningful romance. Start to compile a list of all the assets of those men you previously dated, which will help you to build up what you are really seeking from a long-term partner.

You need to take your mind off someone who chooses to ignore you by blocking you, because he’s not worth your time and thoughts. Preparation and planning are your keys to moving forward romantically.

It’s imperative to consider whether you previously entered relationships for the right reasons. If you didn’t wish to be alone then you will have gone from romance to romance. These wouldn’t have been meaningful relationships, and you would have been effectively wasting your time by not unearthing the right man for you.

It’s time to take your first steps to finding a serious relationship without compromising. Forget about your ex-boyfriend, because your next soulmate will lie in wait in time.

You need to navigate a path to him, but only when you feel emotionally ready to embark on a new romance. Don’t let the past hold you back. Aim for a relationship to burn slowly so you can reap the rewards by letting it build up into something special over time.

Relationships ultimately aren’t about making us happy. They exist to humble us, let us learn from our mistakes  and to offer a purpose that makes our life feel worthwhile.


True happiness lies within, so now’s the time to unearth your true happiness before you consider venturing into a new romance.

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