Dear Love Doctor

Can I Ever Find Another Soulmate?

Why not send former Kingston-resident Love Doctor your relationship queries? Use the form to submit your question(s).


I’ve just broken up with my girlfriend of three years all of a sudden, but we are in our 40s so I have to accept it’s over.

She was my best friend, my lover and my soulmate. I’m unsure what went wrong really.

I appreciate that time is the healer, but I’m scared that I’ll never find another soulmate like her.


S, St. Catherine


Love Doctor MontiLove Doctor’s Answer:

Finding someone to deeply connect with and share your life for three years is a difficult hurdle to leap for you going forward.

A true soulmate, which is someone who’s going to have an everlasting impact on your life whether they are with you romantically or not, is tricky to find in the first place.

I suggest that you treasure the moments, but reflect on the past for a short while and concentrate on the future to find happiness.

It’s wonderful that you have accepted that your soulmate relationship served its purpose but has expired after three years. Finding a suitable replacement soulmate is not going to be an easy task. However, there’s different types of soulmates and not just a romantic soulmate.

It sounds like she struck the sparks and fanned the flames inside you. When you were both committed to the relationship then the flame continued to burn.

In your scenario it seems that you felt she was “the one” but clearly she didn’t feel the same way. The fire’s gone out at her end, so sadly it appears that your heart’s a blazing ruin.


I can advise you that the important truth about relationships is that you have to create love and nurture soulmate connections.

Love is pretty complex. It isn’t delivered to us on a plate simply because we may believe that we deserve it. We have to continue to work at being loving, then we’ll receive love back in return.

I firmly believe that absolutely anyone can discover their true soulmate at any time, age isn’t a barrier and you are relatively young in your 40s.

As human-beings we aren’t meant to be alone forever, as the overall purpose of a relationship is the challenge to grow together and to help our partner reach their full potential.

That’s why, if you truly loved this lady, then you’ll be happy to let her go and accept that you’ve moved on. If you love her with all your heart then you will forever be happy to learn that she is happy. This is rare, as most partners no longer respect the person that they claimed to love. If you can show genuine love towards her forever, then it’s her loss for now and you deserve someone better.

Not many people will feel true love towards their ex-partner, only those who genuinely loved them will be sincere and always care about their happiness.

That will at least show that you were a particular soulmate towards her, and not everyone can experience that sort of soulmate connection. It’s special, and if your relationship can ever be rekindled then for both of your future happiness it is worth giving it another shot.

Yet there are six other types of soulmates who could enter your life, but it’s all down to timing and not always romance.

Companion soulmate
Friends are essential to our lifetime journey. These particular soulmates challenge us to be real, love us with our flaws and will never abandon us in anger.


Karmic soulmate
This kind of relationship doesn’t require intimacy and means that when you’re both intent on making a difference together your skills will complement one another as a partnership.

Kindred soulmate
When the two of you can share the same things by agreeing and disagreeing with love and affection without any form of jealousy.

Soul contract soulmate
A deep law of attraction holds you together forever, staying together by a common commitment even if one of you cheated.

Soul crossing soulmate
Even a brief encounter with someone who crosses our path can offer a lasting impact on the direction we choose.

Whatever the reason for your breakup, which can take up to three years to heal, then you need to be open to the possibility of meeting another soulmate. This is easier said than done because you will feel the pain, but it can overlap with the different kinds of soulmates you may encounter.

Often a soulmate can challenge us to act or think differently by taking us away from our comfort zones. This may sound tricky, but the exquisite moments of connection and harmony will appear in time. In months to come you may see this as a lucky escape.

You cannot start looking for another soulmate, it will simply happen. A good sign that you’ve met your next soulmate is the way that you can each show compassion and empathy.

This may happen sooner rather than later, but there’s no need to put your blinkers on quite yet despite the painful split so just be open to meeting someone special as and when you are ready.

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