Dear Love Doctor

How Do I Fathom Out Being Ignored?

Why not send former Kingston-resident Love Doctor your relationship queries? Use the form to submit your question(s).


What started off as a whirlwind romance 22 months ago has come crashing down. My boyfriend has suddenly started ignoring me. He has just unexpectedly blocked my calls, messages and social media channels.

There was no argument leading up to this. I was worried for the first two weeks about him. After another fortnight I asked friends if they had seen him. I believe he’s playing me like a game of dominoes because they told me that he’s being playful and flirty on social media.

I’m deeply hurt by this rejection. I don’t want revenge, I think maybe I should move on. Please advise what I should do next.


LL, Westmoreland


Love Doctor’s Answer:

Love Doctor Monti and his Criss Ting

The course of true love never runs smoothly. If he’s portraying himself to others as a ‘Jack the lad’ kind of guy, yet showing disdain to you by openly flirting, then of course this must be hurtful.

Some men feel trapped when in a long-term relationship, so they try to run as fast as Usain Bolt to retrieve their independence. However, it’s pretty unusual for someone to perform a vanishing trick and then ignore a partner out of the blue without giving a valid reason.

You’ve both invested almost two years into a loving relationship. For him to behave so callously towards you, and show no respect by blocking you, seems churlish and controlling.

Understandably you want to draw a line under things. It’s best to send an email to his work’s general address, which might jolt him, explaining that you wish to meet in public for a quick chat. Keep the email short and to the point.

Something must have triggered his escape route from your partnership. It must be terribly frustrating for you to deal with, especially as he disappeared without indicating there was an issue.

You deserve to be treated better than this. It was a gutless act by him, so your self-esteem will have taken a battering.


The reality is that he’s failing to allow communication between the two of you. It’s an unacceptable act by him, and requires an explanation to end the uncertainty.

Your best bet is to ask friends and family what they think about him. If the majority are upbeat and positive, then it’s worth trying to rekindle your love by getting to the route of the problem.

If it’s mainly negative from friends and family, then consider his bad behaviour as a lucky escape for you.

Yet the only people that should matter in this scenario are you and this fella. Try to think why his disappearance and blocking you has occurred, and explore other ways to reach him without looking desperate.

Is he running into another lady’s arms? Has the relationship suddenly collapsed because he has found an upgrade? Did he panic about your future? Is he plain selfish? Has he lost his job? Is he noncommittal? There are a plethora of other potential reasons, although one of these appears to be most likely.

If roles were reversed would he have been so understanding? It’s best for you to show some empathy and put yourself in his shoes to try to comprehend what’s gone wrong.

My advice is to firstly accept in your heart what’s happened as he has seriously betrayed you, and make a decision to either attempt to repair the relationship or to let him go.

Too many strained partnerships end because one party can’t deal with the anguish. It sounds like this could have been the cause.

Can you decipher exactly what may have offset any distress and unhappiness? If you can pinpoint this then you can possibly roll back the weeks and attempt to press the reset button, but only if he wants to and you have the inclination to do so. You can take a horse to the water, but you can’t force it to drink it.


Try to establish whether it can be salvaged by you alone if that’s what you desire, as any trust has taken a beating by his actions. It’s essential that you choose whether you want to return to the happier times, or simply wish to move on without him.

If you are willing to give the relationship another whirl it’s best to write a heartfelt letter that you put inside a card and post. Only focus on the positives, including some reasons why you love him, rather than let anger get the better of you.

Although this offers him the power between you, his response will determine whether or not this relationship is done and dusted.

The reality is that if he shows no remorse, and couldn’t really care less about your emotions, then he has done you a massive favour.

You can count your blessings because you really wouldn’t wish to plan your future with someone who thinks primarily about themselves, otherwise there’s most likely to be problems in years to come.

Moving away from a broken relationship is like grieving, expect to naturally experience all of the emotions that go hand-in-hand with death. Time is the only true healer.

Should you want to distance yourself from this man, you need to show resilience and be emotionally strong. Avoid any haunts where you could bump into each other, and never ask anyone to check out his social media platforms. Forget him and focus on you.

Utilise any spare time to enhance yourself, both physically and spiritually. The next time he sees you then he can kick himself, and he is bound to feel hurt if you may have bounced back with a new beau who’s worthy of your love and devotion.

I believe that you should suggest to close friends that they give you a mini-makeover as a pick-me-up, because you want to look and feel your best. This will be a confidence booster and offers the feel-good factor.

Men will notice you when you feel attractive and are happy, which could ultimately result in you unearthing an upgrade to the man who ruthlessly deserted you after you gave him love for almost two years.


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