Will I Look Lonely Looking For Love By Myself?
Why not send former Kingston-resident Love Doctor your relationship queries? Use the form to submit your question(s).
Question:
As my four-year relationship came crashing down I’ve just spent the past week trawling bars to try to meet someone new.
But I’ve found myself being constantly rejected by women, and my confidence is fast deteriorating.
What can I do as I’m ready for romance rather than licking my wounds?
Delroy, St. Ann’s Parish
Love Doctor’s Answer:
Well hat’s off to you for trying to bounce back from your heartache following your split from a long-term relationship. However, you are probably not quite emotionally ready yet to jump back onto the dating scene as may be giving off the wrong vibes.
Women are extremely astute and can easily pick up any whiff of desperation, so if you are reeking of this then I suspect they will realise this and instantly reject you.
It’s brave to re-enter the dating world so swiftly after your break up, but foolhardy if you aren’t really ready.
Although you decided to take the obvious choice of checking out bars for single ladies, the ones you may have visited could have made you feel frightened and lost when you got there.
If you wish to go to bars that are brimming with singletons, then do your research and have a plan of which ones are suitable. Take into consideration the age group that you are and who is attracted to the bars you fancy visiting.
You’re definitely going to be out of practice with conversation openers, so polish up your chat-up lines before you venture off to any more bars.
Showing ladies respect, that you possess a sense of humour and generosity will help you. Remember that if you wish to impress a woman then just saying the same words that she’s heard so often won’t work. Stand out from the crowd with something different but nothing cheesy, keep eye contact, smile and see if you start a conversation.
Just avoid being like so many sleazy men, who will simply start talking to the best-looking ladies. They get dismissed but persistently move around the bar like a butterfly by talking to virtually every lady in the vain hope that one of them will fall for his “charms”.
As you’ve just come out of a relationship, now is the time for you to take a good look at your appearance and how you can up the ante to attract the attention of a potential new romantic partner.
Consider changes, like your haircut and aftershave, as well as investing in new attire and maybe some accessories to lift your spirits. If you have the feel-good factor, and can start loving yourself with some new things, then the ladies will notice both of these.
However, you are placing yourself in an iffy scenario of going out alone to bars as you seek romance. You are going out because you are angry and upset about being rejected by your former girlfriend.
To be frank that’s the equivalent of being a cross stray dog with his tongue hanging out, which understandably means most women will automatically shoo you away.
My advice is to find a single friend who can accompany you on these ventures. You are so much better off hunting in packs, especially as most ladies are in pairs when they go out.
If your friend is the muscular type that’s great news, because your emotions are in tatters and it will show. Yet if two dogs are seen by a couple of ladies with one strong and healthy but the other with a tear in his ear and a hobble, then the kindest women will always be drawn to the poorly-looking dog. This is your fate, because you can’t hide the pain of your broken relationship from ladies.
The attraction of bars full of singletons should mean easy pickings, but are these the type of women you really wish to meet or are you being reckless?
As well as avoiding everywhere that you’ve ever been with your ex-girlfriend, because you wish to avoid bumping into her and obviously won’t want to reflect on the past, do consider joining some classes or clubs where the conversation could flow.
You should consider joining the gym, not only can you get yourself physically fit but these are usually filled with recently single people. There’s a plethora of places to meet singletons apart from bars, and you need to ensure that you’ve got your mojo back before going out on the prowl as you don’t wish to dent your confidence.
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