Why not send former Kingston-resident Love Doctor your relationship queries? Use the form to submit your question(s).
I’m crazy as a coconut about my ex and I want to win him back after an amicable breakup just before last Christmas.
I’m not prepared to jump on dating sites as I’m in my mid-40s and, to be frank, my feelings haven’t waned from our shock split.
There’s been no communication between us since we went our separate ways. I’m missing him following our two-year relationship and I feel heartbroken. How do I try to repair this partnership?
Love Doctor’s Answer:
Pushing away the pain from a loving relationship is never easy, but the true course of love cannot always run as smooth as silk.
Time is the only healer, and unfortunately can take up to three years before you can expect to be over your love from your precious partnership.
Too often it can be a surprise for one party when splitting up, but love can’t be forced and it’s no use being involved in a one-sided romance however much it seems to hurt now.
We all become a victim of love at some stage, and this horrible experience can only help us become stronger from this harsh lesson. Just don’t allow him to always be on your mind and drag you down.
Although your hopes may be rising high to retrieve what you had together, there must have been a reason for this breakup. If he hasn’t fully explained this, then rather than suffer lingering doubts you should make contact with him via email to ask if you can meet in public over a coffee sometime.
If you can arrange to see each other face-to-face, at least you will have an opportunity to establish whether you were originally blinded by his charm and can draw a line under the two of you. That way you will be able to get your self esteem back.
However, if the chemistry remains and it feels natural to be together for both of you then ask him why your relationship came crashing down.
Be prepared to discover that your ex may have moved on with another lady. You must be ready to accept that you may have lost his love and devotion forever.
You won’t do yourself any favours if you break down in tears should he explain that he’s now involved with someone else. If you can’t put on a brave face for such a scenario, then it is definitely not the time to meet up. Showing desperation and emotional neediness will only push him further away, and scupper any remote chance of ever getting back together.
I suggest that should you still not be discouraged from wanting him back, then you need to get the ball rolling.
Rather than be upfront and spill the beans that you want to get back together, you need to simply focus on spending good quality time together if you meet up.
Hopefully, the subject of repairing what you had will crop up at a rendezvous. You are absolutely safe to inform him that you still have feelings, but whatever you do please state that you’re unsure whether it would be the correct decision to get back together. Then ask for his opinion on the topic.
If he regrets the split, and would like to give it another shot you both should take things slowly to try to reignite the flames.
Some relationships are doomed to only last a certain length of time, and generally speaking once the initial passion slips away then it becomes a rocky road until the end of your journey.
Overall, a solid relationship is about being good for each other that results in mutual happiness.
As it stands your fate is already sealed even though you want him back in your life. It doesn’t mean that you should give up, but also you don’t want to trick him into being with you.
Feeling alone can be mistaken for being heartbroken, and is not a good enough reason for wanting to be back together.
If you get to see each other again, then let him contact you as much as you contact him. Don’t appear like an eager puppy, let him show interest too. Although you don’t want to rush things you have to ensure that you don’t simply find yourselves in the friend zone as this will prove tortuous.
You will soon see how things go with your ex, and can show the very best version of you. If he’s interested in making the relationship work with a second bite at the cherry then you will have succeeded with your quest.