Should I Try To Make My Ex Jealous?
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Question:
I’ve been single for six months, and an ex-boyfriend has started mixing in the same social circles. He suddenly returned from being in the US for a while, and he’s single too. He didn’t stray, we just drifted apart.
Some of my male friends joke about getting hitched to me one day. I’m thinking that I should use this scenario to my advantage because I want to make my ex jealous.
I’m unsure if he would get jealous, but I want to teach him a lesson for hurting me in the past by finishing with me. Is this a silly or sensible thing to do?
AW, Kingston
Love Doctor’s Answer:
Deliberately playing with someone’s emotions, in this case by trying to make them jealous, is never a wise course of action.
Not only are you trying to hurt someone that you previously loved, but it doesn’t show good character. This is when the Jamaican adage of negative energy is a waste of energy comes into play.
Now he is back mixing within your social circles, your best plan is to suggest that you two have a clear-the-air chat. The objective is not to see if you can rekindle the relationship, as that sounds irreparable because of the pain he has caused, but you can finally leave the past firmly behind you.
It does take time to get over a lost love, and this is akin to grieving following a death. This can take up to three years, and there’s nothing wrong with having some self love time to heal your heart. Utilise this time to create an enhanced version of you, so that you feel good about yourself. Remember that unless you can start to love yourself then how can you expect someone to love you?
I would urge you to go for a daytime coffee with your ex rather than an evening rendezvous, because then you can both avoid alcohol. The problem is that with booze you could either make a foolish decision by one of you going for a kiss. On the other hand, one of you could throw an insult that results in one of you drinking too much alcohol.
If you really want to just tease your ex that you are desirable enough to get married, and prove to him that he wasn’t really worthy of you, then simply get one of these men who jokes about marrying you to mention this to your former boyfriend. They can gauge his reaction. There’s no need to stress, just watch how things unfold.
Marriage is the ultimate goal for some people, and for others that long-term commitment is never going to be on the cards.
Some relationships simply run their course, which for short-term romances can be anything from a few weeks to nine months. This is usually when the flaws have become apparent, and either one or both of you were not devoted enough to compromise once this ‘honeymoon’ period was over.
However long you dated you drifted. It means that you were incompatible on a long-term basis, and that the romance was not based on deep-rooted love from both of you. It was most likely built on companionship, convenience and lust.
Should you start acting mean-spirited because of being hurt, then you will tarnish those treasured memories you made with your ex. You were mesmerised by him in the past, but you now need to focus on the future.
It’s vital that just because he has reappeared that you don’t suddenly cave into peer pressure by entering a romantic relationship for the sake of it. Otherwise you will be kidding yourself, and playing with a new love interest’s emotions.
If your ex is going to be sticking around and will remain in your social circles, don’t just date anyone to try to make him jealous. Wait until you are emotionally ready and have managed to find a connection with someone that you can envisage a future with.
It’s your choice about being single or not, and obviously the media sugarcoats romance. You’ve tasted the reality of love and romance by being emotionally hurt by your ex. All the time that you are dating the wrong person is a waste of your time, as instead you could be romantically involved with someone more deserving and building up a meaningful relationship.
You want to come across as the better person, and not be insecure. Maybe you can be friends again, and who knows you two may be able to give the romance a second shot in time.
For the time being it is imperative to sort out a clear-the-air chat, so that you two feel comfortable and — so do friends in your social circles. The best thing is to wish him well for the future, both personally and professionally, by giving him your blessing to find true love.
There’s no need to act bitter by pointing the finger of blame at him for your breakup, otherwise he will see this as a flaw and you don’t want to come across as weak to him, any friends or indeed a new love interest. You are ultimately aiming to find the perfect partner forever, so you need to display good character and definitely not by being someone who seeks revenge for being hurt.
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