Dear Love Doctor

Can I Turn Back Time To Trigger Romance?

Why not send former Kingston-resident Love Doctor your relationship queries? Use the form to submit your question(s).


It’s almost 12 months since I walked away from my long-term boyfriend, but now I desperately want him back.

We’ve had zero communication since, despite being together for two-and-a-half years. He treated me really nicely, but we never talked about our future or marriage.

I’ve now realised that I should have never let him go. I’m worried some other woman will steal him from me. What’s my best approach?


Sherose, St. Thomas

Love Doctor’s Answer:

I can’t wave a magic wand and bring you two back together. An entire year is a long time for you to realise the error of your ways, although with no contact between you be prepared to learn that he may have moved on romantically.

As you admit that you were the perpetrator of ending this relationship, I strongly suggest that your priority is determining why you walked out if he treated you so well.

It’s best for you to compile three lists to establish whether this man ever was the right one for you or not.

In the first list you need not really think but be impromptu when you compile two columns about this ex-boyfriend, comprising six things that you loved about him and six things that infuriated you about him.

See which aspects effectively cancel each other out until you are left with just one or two pros and cons. It’s up to you to distinguish how important these are, and whether you could really make it work second time around.

Your next list is to write down what you would improve between you, if you could turn back time and press the reset button. Should you actually be able to revive the relationship then what’s on your list needs to be discussed to potentially build a happy future together.


The final list is about the ideal future with this man, so be realistic. As you mentioned marriage in your dilemma, that seems to be your goal to live happy ever after and be married. However, you must plan to reach that final destination.

Whenever someone takes a cruise they are aware of the other destinations they will visit before reaching their final port of call. Use this analogy to determine how your romantic journey will ultimately get you to the altar, what are the stepping stones?

Commitment was one aspect that you required from a meaningful relationship that you weren’t apparently receiving. Men tend to desire fun and frolics, yet your romantic relationship lasted over two years so there was an element of commitment from him. Many partnerships are only short-term and last just nine months.

This fella may have wanted you to develop a long-term loving relationship, but maybe his communication skills were lacking or he didn’t wish to rush things, in the end you disappeared and have ignored each other since.

Before you get too carried away, you need to respect the fact that because you caused the havoc of heartache he may never wish to communicate with you again.

As there’s been no contact between you two then he’s probably followed one of three typical routes. He’s either devastated and coming to terms with the split, just got on with life by throwing himself into hobbies and/or work, or he has entered a new relationship.

Unfortunately for you, and you can’t ignore this fact, he may well have gone for the easy option of returning to the arms of an ex-girlfriend or he’s gone for a rebound relationship.

Regardless of the reason for no communication between you two for such a long time, you need to tread carefully as you’ve probably deeply hurt him and he may well have some serious trust issues with you.

People tend to only contact each other when they want something, and when you’ve been absent for a year then he’s bound to be extremely wary of you suddenly reaching out. You’re obviously seeking his attention, so he’s most likely going to be super cautious unless he remains madly in love with you.


Before you consider making any form of contact, if you believe that you love him then you’ll only want what’s best for this ex-boyfriend. I suggest that you ask some friends to undertake research, from social media or people that he knows, about his current romantic situation.

Armed with this information you can prepare and plan, because you wouldn’t wish to rock the boat by coming back into his life as though you are some crazy bitch!

Interesting that you use the phrase “some other woman will steal him from me”, as he’s not with you and hasn’t been for some time. It sounds like you may be the possessive sort of lady, and if that’s the case please don’t check social media posts yourself in case your ex has moved on as that could upset you.

While you hold him dear in your heart you must appreciate that numerous relationships draw to a natural close and can rarely be rekindled.

I believe that only if you are true soulmates, the ultimate love connection, or there was a genuine reason for the break-up can things be repaired. It’s not a straightforward journey and would require good intentions, excellent communication, plenty of compassion and relentless commitment from both of you to succeed.

Patience is a virtue. If you truly love this man, and genuinely believe that one day you’ll be back together, then you need to play the waiting game.

So that you don’t scupper any future chance of getting back together, find out his romantic situation and what he’s up to.

If he’s decided to take up a new hobby then get close friends to monitor his whereabouts on social media so that you can bump into him as though it has occurred naturally.

That’s a much better approach because it’s easier to read his body language in person, and in the worst case scenario you are in public with galpals should he reject your approach.

Be aware that romantic feelings for a previous partner can evaporate almost immediately if there’s been a bad break-up. On the other hand, it can take up to three years to overcome a split when it’s been amicable.


If you two click when you meet up, this is your golden opportunity to suggest a rendezvous. Instead of the usual dates that you enjoyed, really shake things up with an activity where you can have physical touch like dancing, swimming or ten-pin bowling.

By bringing that sort of intimacy back between you two should help to get the sparks flying, and if you can find true love then you will have the feelgood factor once more.

In life we sometimes don’t appreciate our partner until they are no longer around, so if you get a second bite at the cherry then seize the moment to create memories with someone you truly love.

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