How Do I Find A Man To Settle Down With? – Help Me Love Doctor
Why not send former Kingston-resident Love Doctor your relationship queries? Use the form to submit your question(s).
Question:
Bottom line is that I want a man in my life and I want a straightforward life in Jamaica after this coronavirus crisis passes.
I’ve been single for too long, over five years, and I constantly travel for work purposes. Now I need to settle down and be cared for because I am in my mid-40s.
Love Doctor’s Answer:
You sound like a no-nonsense go-getter who knows what they want. And it appears that your career came first before COVID-19 reared its ugly head.
The lockdown and travel restrictions imposed, because of the coronavirus pandemic, has maybe made you aware that – for the first time in your life – are now ready to commit to a long-term relationship.
No doubt you have recently been avidly scouring the digital dating platforms in a bid to find men that appear physically attractive to you, but as that approach has failed to produce the goods over the past five years then perhaps it is time for a rethink.
Start to be more selective in your process, and think outside the superficial box of what most ladies look for – which tends to be a slender but muscular build, a good head of hair, dashingly good looks and financial security. Looks fade over time, but character doesn’t.
Narrow down your long list of what your ideal man must be like, and if you must fish on dating websites then start devoting some time to researching about their interests.
If you look ‘under the bonnet’ rather than stare adoringly at the outside before making any form of contact with these men, then you can wisely narrow it down to those with some similar interests to you.
No doubt you will be dished up the same sort of the cheesy compliments from the array of desperately single men, who have been unoriginal with their words and believe in simply cutting ‘n’ pasting the same message to each and every single lady to wow her.
Connection is what a long-term relationship thrives on, and as you sound quite particular and demanding then you will need to seek a certain sort of man that won’t frustrate you and vice-versa.
Finding someone to settle down with is a big commitment. My advice is to try and find a man who hasn’t previously been married, as these are the sort who tend to have been stung by the divorce and are therefore wary of a second marriage.
Your ideal man is likely to be a mirror version of you, in terms of being driven by their career and previously too busy to commit to a relationship. He will therefore be cash-rich but strapped for time. You need to evaluate how you would feel if he is not always around, in just the same way that he is going to react about you constantly travelling.
Some relationships run like clockwork, and are perfect, when you don’t spend so much time together. Yet you mentioned that you desire “a straightforward life in Jamaica after this coronavirus crisis passes”, which suggests that you no longer wish to travel for your career.
Maybe the COVID-19 pandemic has made you appreciate life more because you are in your mid-40s and previously been travelling all the time. Now you are out of your comfort zone and routine then maybe watching movies has made you consider finding a potential suitor.
But romance is rarely like the movies. I suggest that you take a risk once lockdown eases by getting yourself out there and mixing to find a set of new friends at say a country club, golf club or tennis club.
As the new face at the club, and not retired, then you will undoubtedly be chatted up by an array of eligible suitors. As a successful businesswoman you will naturally exude confidence and high self-esteem, that will help make you appear even more attractive.
My advice is that you should focus on finding a man, regardless of age, who can bring value to you and vice-versa. Ideally this single man needs to be your equal in terms of background, interests and looks as well as emotionally available.
As we get older we tend to get wiser and therefore become more picky, which is usually down to at least one previous unsatisfying relationship that broke down for whatever reasons.
So if you have any deep-rooted intimacy issues, which could be the reason why you have always thrown yourself into a career, then that fear factor is an important hurdle to overcome.
Should you start desperately seeking perfection for Mr Right then he is unlikely to ever appear. No need to drop your high standards, just be realistic and never forget that love often appears when we least expect it.
Good luck in your search for that special someone, please ensure that this man really does make you happy and is constantly able to bring a smile to your face before you commit to a long-term relationship that could last a lifetime.
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