Do I Date During Our Break?
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Question:
My girlfriend of five years unexpectedly announced that she wanted a one-month break as she wants me to reintroduce thrills ‘n’ spills. Our one-month meet-up is soon, we’re going for cocktails at the Jamaica Pegasus Hotel.
I spent the first fortnight apart from her watching live sports and drinking with old school friends. In the first week I met a woman in a bar and we really clicked. She’s much younger than me, but we’ve never arranged a date. She sends me saucy messages every lunchtime without fail, and I send jokey messages back.
My head was turned for the very first time and now I’m confused. Do I immediately arrange a date with this woman, or do I wait to see if it all goes badly wrong with my girlfriend when we meet? Please advise.
Earl, Kingston
Love Doctor’s Answer:
As men are visual creatures, the majority will unequivocally be constantly attracted to good-looking ladies regardless of their relationship status.
It’s fantastic news that you are not one of these typical men, as you claim that this is the first time that you’ve had your head turned. The reason for this appears to be that you feel in your heart that your current relationship is doomed, and you don’t wish to be alone. That’s why you have noticed a potential love interest and feel that you’ve clicked.
The reality is that you sound as though you are grabbing the first back-up plan that’s come along, and you may even treat this like a rebound relationship if you are angry about this enforced break.
You’ve set eyes on a younger lady because you probably want an upgrade in case your long-term relationship comes crashing down. You are hedging your bets by trying to pick a winner.
That accounts for why you haven’t been the man and pushed for a date, because you are leaving this new lady dangling but you are effectively playing with her emotions. This is your waiting game to see if your girlfriend comes back and tells you that she missed you madly, or whether she wishes to end your relationship.
As your partnership has hit the rocks, and not been smooth sailing, being on a break does permit you to go on a casual date or two. Just nothing too serious, and obviously don’t contemplate a date if she is the sort of woman to avoid because of these saucy messages — or your heart remains committed to your girlfriend.
You should seize the moment if you feel ready, and believe that this could be much more than short-term excitement with this new lady. She is seemingly the one that has brought thrills into your life, rather than your current squeeze. As this new love interest is much younger, this attention will have probably massaged your ego.
On a date with this lady you can evaluate whether you have similar aspirations and mutual interests. Be mysterious on your first date. It is essential to secure a second date, the make-or-break rendezvous, as this is when you can establish if she could ever win your heart. Just don’t visit any haunts that you’ve frequented with your girlfriend, or could be seen by her or any of her friends/family.
You don’t need to feel guilty nor confused, because your current squeeze was the one who demanded the one-month break and you don’t know what she is up to.
If the second date goes well with this new lady don’t arrange a third until you meet your girlfriend. Then you have options, but you must not start deceiving either woman. You must always be as loyal as a butcher’s dog and never contemplate playing a dangerous game that could result in the unwanted drama of romantic double trouble.
The honeymoon period is truly over with your girlfriend, so I urge you to open the channels of communication when you meet up. You will discover exactly why you were on a break, and whether the time apart has resulted in the end of the road for you as a couple. Usually a lady wants her man to show long-term commitment.
If you want to move forward with your current squeeze and are 100% committed, meaning no dates with anyone else, then tell her the truth that she’s your special someone. Then discuss how you each visualise a happy future together in a meaningful relationship.
The foundation for building a long-lasting and loving relationship requires good communication, honesty, respect, trust and the same enthusiasm for activities.
There can only be one winner of your heart. If your long-term girlfriend breaks up with you then embrace the chance to date this new lady, as long as the first two dates went well, but don’t fall into the trap of going all hell for leather with the first lady to show you some romantic interest.
If you want to repair your five-year partnership then utilise the remaining time apart on enhancing yourself, as well as concentrating on practical ways to bring back fun into your romance. Relationships are ever-evolving and will thrive with variety, by injecting some adventure.
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