Should I Mind My Own Business About Ex?
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Question:
I’ve been happily single since last June, following a big break-up from a three-year relationship. My girlfriend was eight years younger than me. Towards the end she got really mean about our age gap.
I’ve not thought about her since Christmas, that was until my best friend showed me a social media photo of her with a man who looks old enough to be her father.
Is it acceptable for me to contact her to say I’m pleased she now likes an age-gap relationship, or is that a churlish thing to do?
Aaron, Kingston
Love Doctor’s Answer:
It’s great news that you’ve managed to eradicate her from your mind, until recently, and are content to be single.
You must realise deep down that you would only be opening a can of worms by making any contact with her. Your actions will only come across as jealous and interfering should you decide to upset her with a jibe about her opting for a much older man.
Although I understand the reasoning for you wishing to take action, this is a poor choice of revenge and could easily backfire. Why would you wish to ruffle her feathers when you let her go from your mind months ago?
Understandably you feel hard done by as she had taunted you about your age gap, although eight years between you is nothing in this day and age.
The success or failure of any loving relationship boils down to the value that partners possess to make their romance work, because life and love is ever evolving.
Unfortunately, whatever happened to cause your relationship to end after three years must have lacked at least one of the vital elements of strong communication, honesty, respect and trust.
On reflection, your ex-girlfriend probably missed the slight age gap with you. This time it appears that she has made the decision that she requires a much older man to care for her and protect her.
As you believe that he is significantly older than her, then it’s up to them to deal with how socially acceptable their relationship is rather than for you to mock her. Be the good guy and not someone who wishes to rock the boat, otherwise you will come across as bitter.
He is obviously happy to date someone considerably younger than him, and will have to deal with any negativity and/or prejudice towards this large age gap relationship.
I believe that you would only wish to contact her for the wrong reasons. Getting in touch with her won’t be perceived well.
If you discover that she is using him in some way, that’s his problem and not yours. It would be foolhardy for you to contact her if she is taking advantage of him, because you could end up with her wanting to return into your arms as a rebound relationship.
You are best to leave her firmly in the past, and let her situation continue without any interference from you. Don’t suddenly start checking her social media or making any form of contact, just let sleeping dogs lie and enjoy your single life.
It sounds as though she may have emotional immaturity, so is seeking an older man. His appeal, if she is vibrant and he is fast approaching retirement or is indeed retired, could provide difficulties for this couple. This is another reason for you to keep your distance, because you really don’t wish to be pulled towards her should things start to go wrong for them.
There’s never going to be a perfect age difference between couples, as long as they accept and respect each other then the relationship can blossom. Some relationships work well when there is an age gap, for others it is unthinkable.
Your ex-girlfriend probably didn’t mean to be nasty about your age gap, it was just that your relationship was drawing to a close and she wanted to hurt you with words.
At the end of the day, her detrimental words towards you showed her weakness. Be grateful that you escaped when her unkindness started to surface. Just don’t let what she said have any impact on any future relationships, or be the reason why you are currently single.
Love seems alive for her, so let your ex embrace it. Romance could be a wonderful future destination for you too, but only to be seriously contemplated when you feel ready to enter another relationship.
You’ve done well to bounce back from this ex-girlfriend, by not rushing into a potentially meaningless relationship.
I urge you to continue to keep her off your mind, and let her latest romance simply be a convenient story for others to tittle-tattle about while you just concentrate on your own happiness.
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