Can I Reach Out To Retrieve His Trust?
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Question:
It’s coming up to a year’s anniversary since I walked out of my relationship. Both of us were loyal and loving throughout the 14 months together.
Despite no confrontation, I simply had a meltdown with a sudden emotional crisis. I did something stupid to deliberately hurt him. It’s tricky to elaborate on my irrational outburst.
I’ve been too embarrassed to make contact with him again, and I’ve really hurt myself as well as my ex-boyfriend.
I joked during our first month together that if we ever split up I would never speak to him again. He must assume that is the case, because he has not tried to make contact.
Is there a way to repair what was my favourite romance ever for what once seemed like the perfect love story?
F, Kingston
Love Doctor’s Answer:
Break-ups are never pleasant experiences, especially when there’s little explanation for a sudden split.
If you two had a meaningful romantic relationship, as opposed to the spark between you and your former partner evaporating, then you can certainly explore re-opening up the channels of communication.
That’s a bold statement from you that it was your best-ever romance, which means you don’t want to give up the ghost with this man.
As it’s close to being exactly one year since you disappeared from his life, I suggest that you use the specific date to your advantage and reach out to your ex-boyfriend.
As you want to interact with him, and suggest a meet up, I would urge you to use the tried and tested two-one psychology trick. This is about stating two positives before you include what you really wish to convey.
Your best bet is to keep it short and simple with a direct message, and use the word trust rather than hope as well as insert the all-important word love.
Send something along the lines of “Trust that you are happy and healthy. I can’t believe that it’s virtually a year since we last communicated. Let’s try and meet up on (insert day and month of break-up) because I would love to hear your news and explain why I foolishly disappeared.”
It’s essential that you must not come across as emotionally needy by letting him know how much he means to you. Save that for a face-to-face rendezvous.
EXTREME UNCONTROLLED EMOTIONS
As you have disclosed in your question that you hurt him on purpose, it sounds like a state of extreme and uncontrolled emotion. Your sudden agitation implies that you most likely suffered from an emotional or psychological breakdown in the past.
If that is the case, then you should relay information about any previous collapse to him when you meet in person. If he deeply loves you will support you.
I suggest that you arrange to print out any photos of the two of you to take if you can successfully organise a tete-a-tete with your former flame.
This course of action boasts positivity. If you wish to serendipitously find out if he wants to date you again, just then chip in when he looks at some of the photos with the suggestion of “We should do that again sometime soon”. You’ll be able to gauge from his reaction and body language whether he is willing to give your former romance another whirl.
A second shot for a romantic relationship relies on building blocks, ensuring that there’s mutual commitment, respect and trust.
You may discover that he has not been in touch because he is a true gentleman, and was desperately waiting for an unlikely message from you to rekindle your romance.
VANISHING ACT APOLOGY
Although you broke his trust through your actions last year, talking it through with him and explaining what triggered your vanishing act could prove the perfect way to possibly repair your failed relationship.
You will need to apologise for hurting him, and may well find that he has not recovered from the pain and trauma.
He may have moved on romantically, even if not emotionally, so be prepared for him snubbing your message or suggestion about meeting up.
If that’s the case, and he is involved with someone else or refuses to see you because of the heartache caused, you need to persist in communication as it is imperative to establish closure.
Closure needs to be your alternative goal to repairing what you once had together. It seems crystal clear that you still love him, and would therefore prefer to try and rekindle your former relationship.
Failure to establish a rendezvous to deal with closure could set you back emotionally, as it can take up to three years to properly heal.
You must push to meet up, to determine whether there’s a chance to restore what you had or whether you need to establish closure in order to move on.
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