Why not send former Kingston-resident Love Doctor your relationship queries? Use the form to submit your question(s).
This COVID-19 pandemic has seen my 14-month relationship stutter for a while. Now I am ready to call it quits. I feel guilty about telling her it is over because she has recently been talking about moving in once these coronavirus restrictions end for good.
The situation is costing me time out of the arms of someone that I should be with. Should I end the agony as my heart is no longer in the partnership?
David, St. Ann
Love Doctor’s Answer:
Leaving the honeymoon phase of a relationship can occur at any time, generally any time from a month to a year, which often then turns into a platonic partnership until someone catches the eye for one of the couple.
Your scenario sounds as though you are currently drifting despite the fact that she remains super keen, especially as she is considering the future with you.
You need to have a proper think as to why you believe that the spark between you and your partner has evaporated, and whether it spells the death of your relationship.
It appears that you are no longer present in the relationship, as you do not wish to be investing romantically in this partnership. For example, do you engage more with your cell phone (messages and social media) when you meet up? Are you physically affectionate in a touchy feely way? Do you say I love you back and mean it?
As you mentioned another lady in the future then I have to assume that you already have someone lined up as her replacement, or that you are getting your head turned.
I would advise you against a rapid replacement, as this next lady may not be the upgrade you desire on a long-term basis but may suit you now for fun.
Going straight from one relationship to another only suits some people, so if you have never gone “straight from the frying pan and into the fire” then wait for some healing time for your heart otherwise you may feel trapped in another partnership and find yourself always in such a tricky situation.
If ladies are catching your eye then I 100% advise you that it is time to move on. If you are happy in a solid job then you would not look around for other jobs, and the same applies to relationships. If you are happy in a solid relationship then why would you get your head turned?
Many people, when they no longer have mutual affection between them, are often repelled and upset by the sight of couples in love despite having been lovey dovey themselves at the start of their relationship.
If romantic gestures are feeling forced, or no longer around, then that is simply because you are not romantically interested in her and it is not going to alter unless you have a drastic change of heart.
Have you stopped trying to be appealing towards her? Such as dressing down rather than up to go out, handing her less compliments or having less desire/sex drive.
From your question it points towards you seemingly having reached the dreaded friend zone, while she still wants to maintain a loving relationship. That means you will bring her hopes crashing down when you are courageous enough to “end the agony”, although it depends on whether she is ignoring the tell-tale signs and vibes that you are giving.
However, you may actually just be insecure about the relationship or going through a blip. You should bear in mind that being comfortable around each other is actually a sign of a solid and loving relationship.
Yet a romantic connection is crucial to a loving and lasting relationship, but so is just the sheer sight to make the heart speed up, skip a beat or at least flutter.
A strong relationship is not about maintaining the same level of sexual excitement experienced at the start, but whether you have become genuine friends with shared interests and respect towards each other over time.
Naturally any relationship will change course, but if your partnership was solely based on sexual attraction that is unhealthy for the long-term and quite possibly the reason that you are ready to end it all.
At least by re-evaluating your partnership now, and actually considering the potential hurt that you will inflict on your girlfriend by breaking up, sounds as though you are ready to find the one rather than settle for this lady.
There are ways to dump her subtly, but surely your partner deep down realises that your feelings are no longer romantic or sexual so may well have been testing you by stating that she wishes to make long-term plans.
If you wish to rescue the relationship then you need to communicate with your partner and talk about your feelings before discussing the future. Only if both of you are both willing to work towards getting the relationship back on track can it be achieved.
As you want to throw in the towel, my advice is to give it a few days away from her to see if you miss her. If you still believe that she no longer interests you romantically then meet up and be a man by directly telling her face-to-face that you no longer wish to date without apportioning the blame on her or being critical.
Remember to share this article on Facebook and other Social Media Platforms. To submit your own articles or to advertise with us please send us an EMAIL at: [email protected]