Should I Dump My Partner Before Christmas?

Why not send former Kingston-resident Love Doctor your relationship queries? Use the form to submit your question(s).

Question:

I’ve been unhappy for the past month with my boyfriend of two years, so I’m considering just ending this recent agony.

I’d feel really bad about dumping him before Christmas Day, as I don’t wish to upset him and I do love him. I’m just very confused.

L, Negril

  

 

Love Doctor’s Answer:

The Love Doctor and his lady

Suffering sadness on a relatively short-term basis is never good. Communication between you about the future is imperative, otherwise you’ll both allow this sorry situation to continue to drift.

There’s never a good time to break up, but it is best to avoid anniversaries, birthdays and the festive season as you can mentally scar each other.

Coming up to Christmas and the new year is when we are surrounded by the media hype of happiness, couples and a plethora of different types of love. Because of this, numerous relationships only want this sugar-coated kind of love.

For many this perfect romance is simply not attainable, and they feel deflated or frustrated by their more ordinary relationship compared to the movies.

To heavily romantic people it could mean their partnership is flawed, so they want to call it quits in order to find the perfect person in the new year.

It’s best to initially take a reality check about your romance to see if you really are suffering the various stages of a relationship coming to a halt or whether it is just a blip.

You’ve been together for a couple of years, so something must be good between you unless the relationship has simply wound down and run its course.

  

My advice is to be extremely cautious during the holiday season, as you’re both emotionally vulnerable with all the trappings of joy and love being shoved down your throats by the mass media.

Be aware that there’s going to be tons of people feeling disillusioned like you. Many will be on the prowl as they seek fun and frolics as an excuse to escape from their current steady relationship. So a festive season kiss with a virtual stranger is wholly unacceptable by either of you.

Equally, don’t be tempted to get in touch with any ex-boyfriends just because you feel that any of them may have understood you better. Also avoid watching too many feelgood festive movies, because that will only make you think about possibly rekindling the sparks with a former flame for the wrong reasons.

If you want a second shot with an ex-boyfriend because you don’t wish to be alone this Christmas, this is a selfish act and would most likely end in tears.

Naturally you can expect to feel more down during the winter months because of the drop in serotonin levels. This is when you should really start to appreciate your partner, being grateful for his comfort and reliability to lift your spirit, and showing him more attention.

Embrace the fact that the new year offers a clean slate for you and your current boyfriend to improve your communication skills, happiness together and to plan your goals for 2024. If that’s the future you both want.

Maybe you haven’t got any specific plans for next year, but as human beings we all need something to look forward to in order to have the motivation to savour life.

It sounds like your relationship has gone stale, which is only repairable if you both put in the effort, have the desire and inclination to make it work. You must initially reignite the spark that you once had in abundance affectionately, romantically and sexually because a month of unhappiness is not really a major issue.

Alternatively, finding yourselves suddenly single over the festival season will initially feel very painful. At this time of the year a break up will be big, as it will be similar to the stages we go through for grief.

  

If the relationship can’t be repaired through openly discussing whether you can both change, then the sooner the split occurs the better. Freeing up your time to reflect on this failed partnership means you can decide what you really have to do to evolve as a better and happier person next year.

Regardless of whether you stay together or go your separate ways, get your mind into gear to mentally prepare a new year’s resolution that contains a realistic bucket list. Before 2024 starts, have these narrowed down to 10 and see if you can achieve one of these each month.

By writing down your top 10 bucket list for 2024, you’ll know yourself whether your current squeeze is part of your future or needs to be dumped. Common interests are a terrific foundation for building up a loving partnership, so maybe your boyfriend just needs pushing towards more exciting adventures with you.

You have to realistically contemplate which scenario will make you feel the saddest before you make a rash decision about dumping someone you clearly love because of only a month of unhappiness. Being with him this festive season or being alone?

It’s only natural to feel upset when happy couples celebrating Christmas and the new year are being flaunted in your face from every direction if your relationship isn’t pretty perfect.

Hopefully your boyfriend deserves your heart, maybe he just needs a jolt every now and again. To try to repair your romance then go out to a public place, so there’s no anger and shouting, and communicate honestly about your problems and potential solutions.

Make 2024 the year when you become more sociable, either as a singleton or as a couple, in order to open up endless possibilities to explore life and make it more exciting.

At the end of the day you both want devotion, love and romantic attention from each other. Only you both must be committed to trying to find the solutions to go forward to realise your short-term and long-term goals.


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