Why not send former Kingston-resident Love Doctor your relationship queries? Use the form to submit your question(s).
Last month I split up from my long-term girlfriend, and I’m thinking about a new relationship.
I want to hold off until the new year because I don’t want to start splashing the cash on a new love interest for the sake of it.
Is that a good idea or should I get back on the dating scene?
Love Doctor’s Answer:
Sorry to learn that you didn’t experience the fairytale ending that you had hoped for, but that’s no reason to put you off finding a new romantic partner.
That is unless your emotions are in tatters, in which case you should wait for your heart to heal before you embark on trying to find a meaningful relationship.
Love and romance is all about commitment. If you can’t commit to someone emotionally then the best bet is to step away from returning to the dating world.
With the festive season soon coming up, when the media beautifully portrays perfect love scenarios, you may feel lonely. However, don’t go through the motions of finding a romance just to appease peer pressure.
Many people, like yourself, avoid the expense of finding a new relationship before Christmas as they are either watching the pennies or are mean with money. If you are the latter then you may find it difficult keeping a woman, as ladies don’t generally like a man to be financially mean and can be a deal breaker.
At least you are considering a romance. It’s up to you when you will succumb to the joys of Christmas and the New Year by trying to find a new lady to fill the void following your split.
You certainly need to consider your self-esteem before going on dates, as that’s taken a battering. Understandably you will be focused on keeping an emotional distance from single ladies.
If you are truly heartbroken by the breakdown of your previous romantic relationship, then wishing to avoid getting hurt again is sensible.
Only when you feel emotionally fearless is there any chance of a new relationship blossoming. My advice is to bide your time, and don’t look too desperate when you feel ready for another romantic journey.
With no one else on the horizon to offer you that spark in your heart that your former partner created, you face the prospect of spending Christmas and the New Year alone.
Should you find yourself feeling despondent and upset, my advice is try to avoid taking the easy route of trying to win back the heart of your ex by getting her a Christmas present. That would only be papering over the cracks for a quick fix, and it’s unlikely to get the relationship running at full throttle like it was previously.
Most people who attempt to rekindle their broken relationship end up extremely disappointed, as they will soon discover that what they have recreated is only a diluted version.
Don’t forget that love can occur at any time, and Cupid’s arrow can hit your heart when you least expect it. Yet for a new partnership to truly work wonders you’ll need all of the right dynamics from both of you.
This will be richly rewarding for you when it happens, but at this moment in time you seem to want out of the dating world and are keeping your guard up. This trepidation is sensible, and protects you from getting hurt.
We reveal our true character about how we bounce back from such difficulties. With time being the only healer, you must fully deal with the pain of your recent loss before you can confidently move on. My advice is to only move forward when you feel ready.
You can’t simply sit back and rely on a stereotypical woman being romantic towards you over the festive season just because you are single.
Everyday scenarios, such as shopping and walking, are great opportunities for you to meet someone suitably single. Supermarkets are brilliant places to meet singletons, especially down the ready meals, snack sections and alcohol aisles.
I urge you to subtly let any potential suitors be aware of your interest in them through body language and your availability to date them, but try to find a common interest to initially hook them in.
It’s a good idea to possibly introduce chat up lines that will work wonders. Don’t be intimidated, ladies like confident men so feel free to approach them to make conversation, but only when you truly believe that you are ready for a new romance.
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