Can I Revive Our Ailing Romance?
Why not send former Kingston-resident Love Doctor your relationship queries? Use the form to submit your question(s).
Question:
I’ve been in a solid relationship for 18 months, but suddenly my girlfriend doesn’t want to see me as often. I’m confused as it was smooth sailing until the start of the month.
I’ve given her some space, but we now go for a week without even a text.
Does this mean the start of the end, or is there something that I can do to get our partnership back on track?
Ryan, MoBay
Love Doctor’s Answer:
Well it could be that your relationship isn’t as solid as you had hoped, and that she has had her head turned. Maybe the honeymoon period is over, or worse than that is that it has drawn to a natural closure.
Those are the worse case scenarios, but don’t panic as you can potentially salvage this.
It doesn’t sound very promising that you aren’t communicating for an entire week. However, it takes two to tango and you should be the man so start making much more of an effort.
Initially, my suggestion is that you should have a face-to-face discussion to see why this is the situation. You need to make it very clear that you care for her, and envisage a long-term future. Yet she might need time for your partnership to breathe because she’s bored of the way it is going.
Women are generally jealous creatures. You must establish whether you have done something wrong to upset her. Change the situation if you have upset her. Ensure that all ex-girlfriends are not in your life, and that you NEVER mention any of them.
Utilise this time that you’ve been apart to upgrade yourself, whether it is with new aftershave, attire or haircut. Show your lady the best looking version of you as soon as possible, and if she’s interested will be delighted by the improved version.
You must always 100% respect whoever you are romantically involved with, and put her on a pedestal. This lady needs your attention, commitment and devotion. Think about how you are offering these, and up the ante.
Maybe this relationship has been fun and frolics for her, rather than anything serious. You need to establish her aspirations for the two of you, and check whether you are looking for different long-term outcomes. Maybe the relationship has fizzled out, and cannot be repaired.
Ask her directly how you can get things back to how they were a few months ago, listen and act accordingly.
Maybe she is bored of the same dates, and needs something more inspiring from you. You should start making more romantic gestures to try to win back her heart. Don’t be shy.
A well-crafted good morning and goodnight message to the lady that you love will always be welcomed. It doesn’t need to be over the top nor lengthy, just think about how you feel about her. And tell her that you love her, there are plenty of ways to do that.
If she wants the relationship to continue then she’ll be delighted that you care enough to think of her first thing in the morning and last thing at night.
Continue this out of love and devotion, because when she wakes up then to receive loving words will put her in a good mood.
We all love to be loved, but that someone special does need to be told how wonderful they are from time to time. Start letting this lady, who captured your heart, exactly how much you adore her.
Then you need to surprise her with a thoughtful gift every now and again, not just flowers. Remember that men globally who unexpectedly give flowers are doing so to hide their guilt for sometime. Best to steer clear of flowers, instead pick out a bottle of her favourite perfume or a bottle of bubbly. Bringing a smile to her face is so rewarding for both of you.
Instead of the usual dates, get some more ideas from her interests. The relationship sounds as though it has gone stale, so you need to shake things up.
The best step is to put yourself into her shoes. If you were her, what would you like to do on your dates? I would urge you to try to find an activity where you can have physical touch, whether it is something like dancing, swimming or ten-pin bowling. Bringing that sort of intimacy back should help to get the sparks flying.
On the subject of looking at the relationship from her point of view, you must consider that when you meet up what does she expect you to wear and smell like.
I often advise men to dress according to how their date anticipates them because too many don’t make an effort. So many men turn up in sneakers and a t-shirt that they have worn all day, yet their date has taken hours to get ready. For example, if you are going to a restaurant look smart, if a bar then smart casual etc.
You need to understand that she may have just got bored of the relationship. If you can start showing her much more that you care then things can start to improve, and you can avoid resorting to a part-time relationship.
I would try to surprise her at every opportunity, so that she knows you really care. For example, when you visit her home then take a bottle of wine or bubbly, chocolates, a rom-com DVD, the latest album that you both like. Don’t do this every time otherwise she will always expect this, and your gesture will be diluted.
Being attentive is essential, and will be welcomed. Start showing your romantic side, and think about what would make her happier with you that will ultimately mean that you will be able to rekindle the relationship.
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