Why not send former Kingston-resident Love Doctor your relationship queries? Use the form to submit your question(s).
I’ve always known that my partner has a negative attitude to life, but the past couple of years has really ground me down. I’ve now come to a stage where I simply don’t want to meet up or hear from her, because she’ll be super critical about me.
Throughout the years I can never do anything right in her eyes, and she rarely compliments me. Every single friend has never liked her, and I’ve finally seen the light too after six years.
She’s definitely going to badmouth me about splitting up before Christmas. How do I escape her clutches without hurting her and dilute her nasty words after our imminent breakup?
Love Doctor’s Answer:
Negative energy is a waste of energy is a traditional Jamaican expression that I was taught at an early age, which I’ve always adhered to.
Those people who are unhappy in life tend to be hypercritical of others to deflect from their inadequacies or because they have experienced negativity towards them, such as parents or school.
It has taken you a jolly long time to come to terms with this lady making you unhappy. Maybe you wore rose-tinted glasses for too long, or were genuinely deeply in love as your friends have indicated their disdain for your partner.
Love can be blind, but it is usually in the early stages of romance that we overlook the flaws. When these become apparent, which happens over time unless you are truly devoted to each other, then the cracks in the relationship appear.
Usually at least one of you will say something unforgivable about the other person’s physicality and this is sadly the start of the end. The deep-down trust dies with a verbal swipe, and the partnership will never return to what it was however hard you both try. You will be kidding yourself if you believe it is okay, because your relationship is doomed.
It certainly sounds as though you have borne the brunt of negative energy over the years, which is why you are rejecting the opportunity to spend time with her. Your barriers are finally up and you want to get out of this romance without causing her heartache and being on the receiving end of chaos.
A woman scorned is extremely dangerous, so yes you need to tread carefully. My advice is that you tell her that you feel that neither of you are making each other happy anymore. Suggest a break if you fear that she will go crazy should you indicate that it’s all over.
If she wants to fight to save the relationship then if she is a decent person then she will ask what she can do to ensure that it is smooth sailing in the near future. However, should she turn on you with further criticism then at least you know what a lucky escape you have made.
She’s likely to be angry regardless of whether your romance can be salvaged or not. Best to meet her somewhere in public, ideally an upmarket and busy place such as a hotel bar, so that she won’t kick off. However, remember that if she storms off in a huff then you don’t want to be in the middle of nowhere.
You may find that she is relieved that the romance is over, or it may jolt her and you are given an opportunity to explain what’s made you unhappy in recent times. Don’t mention that friends are not keen on her, because you don’t want to say anything negative otherwise you will start to become like her.
Ending a relationship is never going to be a pleasant experience, so before you make a life-changing decision about this then please check out my response to someone asking me about whether they have done the right thing to end a romance.
You really should act swiftly, because otherwise you will probably feel too guilty to end the relationship before Christmas. The hype over everyone being super happy, smiling and endless different unions of love for the festive season is going to leave you both feeling a little bit lost. However, this current scenario is dragging you down and the longer you persist then the more time you are extending the agony.
It really would be best not to jump back into a relationship, give your heart time to heal if you split up.
It sounds like you are best to draw a line under this romance, and both find some happiness.
If that happens then the next time you meet a lady then ask her whether she sees the glass as half full or half empty. You can then avoid future negative energy.
You can soon enjoy seeking a suitable female that your friends will like, and hopefully they can tell you that they are pleased that she’s good for you.
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