Dear Love Doctor – Did I Do The Right Thing In Ending A Year-Long Romance?

Why not send former Kingston-resident Love Doctor your relationship queries? Use the form to submit your question(s).

Question:

I have just ended a relationship very abruptly after a year of happiness, just because of the pressure I experienced being in a full-on partnership. 

I felt overwhelmed all of a sudden and now I miss her immensely. Did I do the right thing? How do I move forward?

Milton, St. Catherine

  

Love Doctor’s Answer:

Ending a loving relationship is never an easy decision. However, something will have prompted you to do this, and you should have no regrets as it was obviously the right choice at the time.

Love Doctor MontiObviously it must have been far from perfect for you to suddenly call it a day, and now you are going through the pain of being alone.

When a relationship comes to a sudden halt there are all sorts of doubts about yourself and your previous partner. However, you are simply wasting your time by analysing everything that was wrong. Instead you should focus on the future and learn from your mistakes.

Often new partnerships become so full-on that they will run their course in next to no time, especially when the basis for the longevity of the relationship has been lust rather than love.

I suggest that you use some alone time to lick your wounds and consider your flaws rather than hers. 

Were you all over her like an excitable puppy from the start? The honeymoon period, when it is all so exciting and new, sounds like it has come crashing down. 

Maybe you simply spent too much time together and then started to see things about her that annoyed or frustrated you. Maybe you felt that she was taking liberties with you, whether financially or eating into your time. Maybe the intimacy became too staid after a while. Maybe you were comparing her to an ex and realised that she didn’t quite live up to your high standards. Maybe you got your head turned by another lady.

  

There could be a wide range of reasons for why you no longer wanted to be a couple, but ultimately you didn’t wish to spend the rest of your life with this lady. It appears that this was a time bomb waiting to explode.

It is best that you have realised this now, rather than spend years together or even worse were engaged or married. 

My advice is to consider what sort of lady you can handle on a long-term basis. Best to ask your closest friends and/or family who they envisage seeing you with as a soul mate and even a potential wife. You will get brutal answers if you ask for these, which will help guide you towards finding that seemingly elusive someone special.

I suggest that when you next meet a lady that you are attracted to, ensure that you have some common interests. If you possess some mutual interests then this is the glue that will help hold you together.

You should write a list of things that you can offer a potential partner, highlighting what makes you stand out from some of your friends, as well as your top five interests. Then you will appreciate your value to a lady in the next relationship. You can narrow it down from your interests where best to meet a new lady, but do not be afraid to consider reinventing yourself to become the sort of boyfriend you want to be.

After a year of romance it is understandable that you will miss a pretty face being around, but you should not immediately try to find her replacement for the sake of it. Instead of rushing into a new relationship, consider taking up a new hobby, which will mean that you can meet new ladies and you will organically find a mutual interest.

I urge you to strongly consider concentrating on a part-time relationship next time, which will ease the pain should it not workout, and then you are not rushing things. Generally speaking, the quicker a partnership starts then the faster it tends to end.

Time is the healer, but you must compromise next time rather than call the shots and decide when a relationship should end. No one likes someone who could be deemed controlling, so use your time to take a good look at why you ended it all. Then calculate what you desire from a potential partner and what you deserve, add these together and decide what is realistic.

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