How Do I Stop My Friend From Love Bombing Her Crush?
If you fancy sending your romantic relationship dilemma to former Kingston resident Love Doctor Monti, author of Journey To Find The Perfect Partner Forever, submit your question via our form.
Alternatively send a direct email to [email protected] or via WhatsApp to +385 97 655 8066.
Question:
My friend has suddenly come up trumps financially. She met a man a bit younger than her at a New Year Eve’s party, but she keeps flashing the cash by buying him gifts and paying every time they go out on dates.
I’ve tried to explain that winning over her new boyfriend with money isn’t automatically going to result in a lasting relationship. She won’t listen and she says that he’s fallen for her.
He seems a nice enough guy, but I’m concerned about her lavish approach because all of her relationships have crashed big time with me having to come to the rescue and support her.
How can I make her see the light and ensure that it’s not another disaster in a couple of months?
N, Spanish Town
Love Doctor’s Answer:
New romantic relationships tend to be extremely exciting in the early throes, until the rose-tinted glasses slip off and the partners suddenly become aware of each other’s flaws.
This tends to appear after three months, but emotionally needy people usually let their relationship drift on until the six-month mark. Romances frequently come crashing down anytime from three to 12 months, because one or both partners cannot accept the flaws.
Maybe they are genuinely crazy about each other, and it’s very possible that he is the one. Yet she has set a precedent by paying for everything just because she’s been fortunate enough to come into some money.
Buying someone’s affection, which is an attempt to influence the romance, is just one aspect referred to as love bombing. This is a manipulative tactic of overwhelming their partner with affection, attention and gestures to seize control.
Initially this can be flattering. However, it really depends whether she is using her money to gain total control over this man or she’s just been kind-hearted and generous as a declaration of her genuine love for him.
If she is pushing for commitment by buying expensive gifts then she may be emotionally vulnerable from her previous failed relationships. It could be as simplistic as trying another approach that she’s hoping will result in long-term happiness.
You need to evaluate whether this really is love bombing and this man is starting to feel overwhelmed.
FAIRYTALE ROMANCE
For example, if she has told him that it’s a fairytale come true but clearly isn’t, constantly telling him that he’s so much better than any of her ex-boyfriends, that she’s insisted on introducing him to her family so early on when he doesn’t want a commitment, whether she is pushing to skip the basics of building up a meaningful relationship by making plans to move in together.
Solid relationships are about a genuine connection and caring for each other, with such crucial elements as mutual interests as well as earning mutual respect and trust.
To ensure that they are in this for the long-term, they need to love each other affectionately, then romantically before getting intimate.
Relationships tend to fizzle out unless they follow these three steps in this specific order, with the beautiful act of lovemaking after affection and romance rather than priority from the start.
SWIRLING HEARTS
There’s nothing wrong if their hearts are swirling, and they are wrapped up in this romance. It will work as long she doesn’t use emotional tactics to make her beau feel guilty if he has plans without her.
Your best way forward is to point out to your friend that by showering her latest love interest with gifts highlights her emotional insecurities, and that she doesn’t need to try and validate this relationship by being extravagant.
If he’s as committed to the romance as her, then tell your friend to consider reeling in her generosity because he will eventually start to feel unmanly by not paying for dates.
If he’s genuine then he should be happy for her to slow down showering him with gifts and paying for everything. It’s not healthy to build up their relationship based on finances, otherwise he’s likely to start feeling uncomfortable and cracks will soon start to show.
KEPT MAN
Men generally don’t wish to be a kept man and feel as though their love interest is trying to control the way their relationship is moving forward.
You haven’t indicated that he is taking advantage of her, which is a good sign. It’s a completely different matter if he’s demanding gifts and insisting on fancy places for their dates.
Maybe they just like buying each other gifts, which shows how much they value each other and helps cement their relationship.
One of the reasons that you feel she’s love bombing him could be because she’s probably neglecting you and other friends to concentrate on him, which would mean that you aren’t being completely objective.
PERFECT PARTNER
You can point out that you are extremely happy for her to have someone who could potentially be that seemingly elusive perfect partner, especially as you refer to him as “a nice guy”.
Explain that you want her to experience long-term happiness, and hope that they are genuine soulmates.
As having plenty of money for her sounds like a new experience, it sounds like she’s tackling her latest romance in a completely different way to usual. This would only be because she yearns to be loved and wants to finally find someone worthy of her love and affection.
SHOW SUPPORT
My advice is that you need to be supportive towards her and show no resentment. You must accept that some relationships move rapidly once they have realised that they’re truly suited to each other.
Help her by being constructive with compassion and kindness by suggesting that she considers what the aspirations, expectations and goals are for your friend and her new boyfriend.
There’s very little to worry about for you friend if these specific aspects are aligned along with other essential ingredients sitting within their romantic relationship.
Remember to share this article on Facebook and other Social Media Platforms. To submit your own articles or to advertise with us please send us an EMAIL at: [email protected]