When Should We Get Intimate?
Why not send former Kingston-resident Love Doctor your relationship queries? Use the form to submit your question(s).
Question:
I’ve been dating for three months, but I’ve still not got the urge to go to bed with her.
She ticks all of the boxes in terms of looks and personality. She’s only had two full-on relationships and never been married. We are around the same age, but I’m much more experienced and was married for almost 10 years. She is pretty shy and leaves it to me to take the lead.
There will be a time when we can take the relationship to the next level, but will my feelings for her change soon?
Winston, Kingston
Love Doctor’s Answer:
In this day and age it is commendable to not get intimate too quickly if you wish to lay down the foundations of a long-term and meaningful romantic relationship.
Although you state that you are the one who takes the lead to guide her, the fact that you don’t have an urge to get physically involved after three months is a concern but not the end of the world.
You don’t state your age, but from around the age of 45 many individuals lose interest in sex. That’s just a fact of life, yet it can be easily rectified.
The supermarkets in Kingston are awash with a plethora of aphrodisiacs that you can try and should help your sexual desire to give you some much-needed vroom. There are of course well-known foods that you can eat together that are aphrodisiacs such as chilli peppers, dark chocolates, honey, liquorice and oysters.
I suggest that to get the ball rolling you go out for a romantic meal and eat foods that are aphrodisiacs. You also need to invite her to your home for a movie night and cook popcorn, because the aroma will ignite her sensual sense of smell. During both the meal and movie night try being more romantic, hold her hand, kiss her gently (maybe on the back of the neck) and gaze lovingly into her eyes.
Some flirting skills need to be implemented, because it sounds like you two are currently stuck in the friendship zone. If she really is shy, then maybe she is confused about where the relationship is heading.
I urge you to reassure her why she’s so important to you, and tell her what you like about her looks and character as you mention that she ticks all of the boxes for you. Maybe surprise her with some small gifts, like a bunch of flowers.
Start to make her feel extra special and ensure that you are suited dressed to impress, a good woman will always notice a well groomed man. Hopefully she will realise that you are interested in her romantically, and that when you meet it is not just a catch-up as friends.
On top of that try changing your aftershave. Your best option is to go for the signature scent of Calvin Klein’s Obsession For Men, which is known to be able to strongly excite the senses of ladies with the citrus smells of grapefruit, lime and orange.
Many high-end aftershaves and perfumes have a strong element of citrus, because the aroma increases blood flow to the sexual organs and improves alertness. If she comments on liking the smell on you, then after a couple of weeks purchase the ladies version for her as a gift.
Hopefully these simplistic actions will help get you both more interested in each other to take the relationship further. Yet to build a full-on loving partnership you need to start off by liking each other affectionately before it moves on to romance, and then naturally reaches the stage where you are able to love each other sexually.
Numerous men across the globe go head on into a relationship by pushing for sex before there is any element of romance, which is often a selfish act. Many men are also under the illusion that women don’t enjoy sex.
It’s probably a bit early for you two to openly discuss sex, especially as she is inexperienced compared to you. However, it is a subject that you need to bring up once you have established the relationship is definitely moving forward.
Your best method is to ask her how she feels about going away one weekend soon. If she sounds eager then discuss plans for at least a month away, which will allow you time to introduce both aphrodisiacs and a new aftershave to your body as well as having both enjoyed a candlelit dinner and a movie night with the sweet scent of popcorn.
Should she not wish to spend a weekend away with you, then try to establish the reasons why. It may be that she doesn’t view you as boyfriend material, just as a friend. You may be subconsciously picking up these vibes that you are only friends, which could account for why you don’t have the urge for a physical relationship.
Armed with some actions to help move things along, you will soon know whether or not you two have a romantic future together or whether she’s happy to just hang out with someone who she considers to be a good friend and a gentleman.
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