Can I Stop The Rot To Party On?
Why not send former Kingston-resident Love Doctor your relationship queries? Use the form to submit your question(s).
Question:
It’s coming up to a decade together next year with my wife, but parts of the relationship seem mechanical.
We’ve both risen through the ranks career-wise since tying the knot and now have less time for each other. Our sex life is once a week if lucky!
When we have a big party next year I don’t want to feel like a fake. What can I do to quickly improve things?
W, Kingston
Love Doctor’s Answer:
Sorry to learn that things have been deteriorating in your marriage, as a result of you both being career-focused.
The first step is to try to recreate the attention and devotion that you both used to have for each other. It is not a case of drifting away from each other romantically, it is more to do with not finding the time to show affection and be intimate.
In life we generally either have time or money, rarely both. It sounds like you both make good money but are struggling to find good quality time together.
I suggest that you start to try and make your home less of an extended workspace if either of you bring back work. You need to get the ball rolling by asking her to find time to have a chat over the weekend.
Then you can introduce some rules that you can both agree to, such as making sure that you never discuss business in the bedroom and there are no cellphones during your meal times together.
Good communication is essential for a loving relationship to work, and I would bet my bottom dollar that your channels of communication have taken a backseat because of work commitments.
Try to explore how best to utilise your time together at home, looking at maybe cooking together and introducing a weekly movie night (with phones switched off). These moments of sharing time can help bring back the spark between you.
You should try and surprise her with a candlelit dinner sometime, and explain you went to a lot of trouble. Be insistent that she becomes stuck on you rather than be stuck to her phone. This romantic meal can either be at home, or at a restaurant.
Over a candlelit dinner you should try to include in your conversation the favourite thing that you the pair of who did in each year of marriage.
With nine aspects each that you can both chat and laugh about, which can trigger off happy memories and make you start to appreciate each other more.
When going over these memories you can always suggest doing the same thing again next year as it was so enjoyable. Making plans, especially about repeating any good times, gives you two something to look forward to romantically.
Being away from your home is where you need to be to inject some much-needed intimacy. Jamaica offers an abundance of amazingly romantic all inclusive hotels, where you could try a one- or two-night stay and gaze lovingly into each other’s eyes.
I would also suggest telling your wife why you love her, and I’m referring to characteristics rather than physical looks. Any lady loves to be told that they are beautiful, but just saying that they have wonderful eyes or gorgeous hair is nothing compared to informing them that you adore their kind heartedness, their free spirit and for being sexy.
If your wife has shown empathy, loyalty and generally comprised throughout the marriage then praise her for these exceptional traits. Explain to her why you feel you are good for each other, and thank her for saying those precious words of “I do”.
By genuinely telling her that you appreciate her and love her offers the feelgood factor, and hopefully will reactivate her feelings so that you two start to get intimate.
Without going overboard to encourage more bedroom action, you need to find more time together and try to plan ahead without work interfering with your love life. If one or both of you are exhausted each night because of work, then you need to address this because it is ruining your sex life that is becoming virtually non-existent. If lovemaking is mechanical then suggest new positions and maybe buy her some sexy underwear.
There are other simplistic ways to try to generate her sexual interest in you. Play romantic music during dinners, change your aftershave to something with a sensual scent of citrus (Calvin Klein’s Obsession For Men) or sandalwood (Dior Sauvage), bring home some hot popcorn for a comforting aroma and get an aphrodisiac-scented diffuser in the bedroom such as the smell of oakmoss, patchouli and Ylang Ylang.
You could also start changing your appearance, maybe this needs to be subtle or dramatic, so that she starts noticing you more. Dress to impress her when you’re together, so no loungewear nor being unshaven over the weekend. Let her know by your appearance that you remain serious about her, and wish to continue to feel worthy of her true love.
Buying some thoughtful gifts, but don’t shower her with these, will garner her attention and show that you care about her.
They don’t need to be extravagant or you suddenly buy her chocolates when you have rarely done so, otherwise she may jump to the wrong conclusion that you are having an affair.
Just purchase something that catches your eye and for some reason you genuinely think she would appreciate it. Try not to buy anything that comes across as trying to earn praise, because the focus is on her and the two of you rather than you.
If you can get these tips into place, there’s no reason why you can’t start to roll back the years so that when it’s time to celebrate your 10th year anniversary you two are almost as happy as the day you got married.
Remember to share this article on Facebook and other Social Media Platforms. To submit your own articles or to advertise with us please send us an EMAIL at: [email protected]