How Can I Revive Intimacy in My Relationship?

Why not send former Kingston-resident Love Doctor your relationship queries? Use the form to submit your question(s).


I’ve been with my girlfriend for four years, but our romantic life has been fast deteriorating.

We’ve both lost our spark in the bedroom, are in our early 40s, and unless something happens soon, our relationship will disappear. What can be done to rescue us?

E, Kingston 6


Love Doctor’s Answer:

The Love Doctor and his lady

Well, when the intimacy takes a dive, there’s always the opportunity to visit one of the leading Jamaican supermarkets, which are incredibly well-stocked with a plethora of aphrodisiacs.

Initially, you need to choose the readily-available dietary supplement aphrodisiacs designed to improve libido, rather than enhance performance.

My personal view is that many potions can cause more harm than good in the long term. Bearing that in mind, there’s no need to discount them, although if you both alter your diet and lifestyle then things can improve.

Eating red berries will get the blood pumping, as will a few bottles of Dragon Stout. Of course, tried and tested tablets, like Passionate Goat Weed and Siberian Ginseng/Maca Extract, can work wonders for both of you to reintroduce your drive and enhance performance.

You should immediately open the channels of communication to determine whether you’ve reached the end of the road romantically. You must address the ongoing problems between you. It doesn’t matter how many traditional remedies you try; there needs to be the arousal and romantic desire between you to rekindle intimacy.

Don’t neglect the proverbial triangular theory of love that’s based on commitment, intimacy, and passion. Loving relationships should contain these three ingredients at all times to ensure it’s smooth sailing.

Long-term commitment is about maintaining, yet improving, the love you have built up over the past four years. You need to consider why your intimacy is not as strong as it should be.


Work out how to alter your bonding by improving your feelings of closeness and connection. The passionate aspect, in other words, the physical attraction, romance, and sexual consummation, may need some help from aphrodisiacs.

Well-known aphrodisiacs such as avocados, blueberries, broccoli, Champagne, cocoa, coffee, crab, extra virgin olive oil, figs, milk, oranges, oysters, red wine, and salmon can work wonders. Some other traditional remedies can prove equally effective, but research these before splashing the cash.

Natural aphrodisiacs can all be a terrific energy booster and offer various other benefits.

Bananas offer bedroom stamina. Nuts (especially almonds, pistachios, and walnuts) help the body to produce nitric oxide, which dilates blood vessels.

Okra, a natural relaxant, helps to maintain pleasure organs. Pomegranate, by being high in oxidants, increases both romantic drive and testosterone levels. Strawberries boost romantic desire, while watermelon improves blood circulation to increase desire for romance.

It’s essential to evaluate both of your current diets and lifestyles. Eat plenty of fruit and vegetables, including legumes, nuts, and seafood, as well as regularly drizzle your food with extra virgin oil.

Keep a record of which foods and drinks work best for both of you, and after a month, you should each have your mojo back.

A quick-fix, should your lack of romantic drive still be causing stress, is to try eating pure chocolate and dates. Alternatively, try a quick-fix solution of an off-the-shelf dietary supplement aphrodisiac from the supermarket.

More subtle and basic ways to cause an arousing effect include introducing uplifting and familiar smells, such as making fresh popcorn together, as well as the arousal-enhancing sweets scents of black licorice and peppermints.


It’s worth going on a shopping spree for new clothes and scents together, maybe some more enticing underwear. To begin to appreciate each other, you both must look and feel confident.

Once you have both naturally increased your romantic desire, then you learn again how to really respect each other and not simply go through the motions of a romantic encounter.

There’s a massive difference between some hanky panky and lovemaking. Generally speaking, casual encounters are simply fun ‘n’ frolics for a short-term partnership. Lovemaking is vital for a romantic long-term relationship to stand the test of time.

One of the common reasons that the intimacy in a partnership starts to fall apart is because at least one person has become reliant on watching adult content to get their satisfaction.

This means that rather than relating to real life and the special someone they have, they have chosen high expectations from watching others. Adult content has nothing to do with lovemaking. It’s purely casual, with the majority involved in this industry having undergone surgery to their looks.

The intimacy has taken a backburner because at least one of you is no longer turned on. Maybe any dissatisfaction is down to failing to measure up to the content being watched. Therefore, the desire between you is on the wane.

You obviously wish to find yourselves in a better place with a healthy libido, rather than rejecting each other between the sheets with a virtually non-existent sex life.

Yet introducing intimacy isn’t just about fun in the sheets. This needs to include hugs, touch, and verbal communication to genuinely make you feel special and loved.

Feeling loved is healthy for your emotional well-being and self-esteem. Intercourse is one way that couples can express their love, which satisfies both their own needs and their partner’s needs.

It’s a beautiful act of genuine love and respect, which you can soon have back by patiently taking the right steps to rebuild your relationship.


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