Do I Confess To My Religious Partner?
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Question:
I’ve been dating an amazing woman for almost three months. I would love to buy her something special to show my appreciation, because I just won a large chunk of money from betting.
She is strictly religious and doesn’t believe in gambling. She wouldn’t be impressed that I bet when bored as she spent a long weekend in Negril with galpals.
Should I hide the fact to avoid what could be our first argument? Or is it best that I confess and I splash some winnings on her? I am so torn.
M, Savanna-la-Mar
Love Doctor’s Answer:
You are definitely between a rock and a hard place with this dilemma. Of course you don’t wish to open a can of worms by mentioning this to her.
I urge you not to tell friends, family or colleagues about your windfall because eventually your girlfriend could find out and then you might be in real trouble.
Of course people you do know about your winning bet(s) might take advantage of your good nature and expect you to spend some of these winnings on them.
Worse still they might encourage you to continue betting, which if you took their prompts would definitely jeopardise your relationship and you wouldn’t want to have a secret life.
Lady luck was smiling down on you to win money, but your lady may not crack a smile if she knows why you suddenly have additional funds.
As you mentioned that by being open with your religious girlfriend about these winnings could potentially result in an argument, then why upset the applecart?
You are in a loving relationship and think the world of her, even nicely referring to her as “amazing” although you should be aware that you are experiencing the honeymoon stages with her.
If you want to maintain smooth sailing in this relationship, my advice is to keep her sweet. It’s not being dishonest nor deceitful by keeping the fact that you bet and won while she was having fun with friends. You are merely avoiding a potential confrontation.
It sounds as though you feel guilty of having a flutter, which means that it was probably only a one-off or just a random foray into the world of gambling.
The best way forward is to not cash that money, if viable. Should you have the money already then set up a reserve account with your bank and place the cash in there. If you won using an online bookmaker or an app then simply keep your winnings in there for a rainy day.
Your heart is in the right place by immediately having the desire to spend your extra money on your fairly new partner now. However, you don’t want to buy her affection, and you don’t want her asking awkward questions about where you got the money because you would have to be honest and tell her the truth.
The best way forward is to forget the windfall for now and concentrate on maintaining the romantic momentum with your girlfriend. Only when you get more serious with this lady should you splash the cash.
I urge you to wait patiently until you have such a burning desire to show your love before you present her with a special gift.
Some careful forward planning by you, whether it’s looking for jewellery or a long weekend away, will pay dividends if you can be patient and not let the money burn a hole in your pocket.
Your girlfriend will hopefully be so dazzled and delighted by your kind gesture, when you choose to buy her a present, that she won’t ask where the money came from.
My advice to you is just don’t spend it all in one go on her. Otherwise you will have set a precedent for her, and she might start to expect fancy gifts on a regular basis.
The drip-drip feed of buying anything expensive is advisable. Otherwise one day she may just vanish from your life when you have completely spoiled her by showering her with so many fancy gifts.
Of course the danger of her getting accustomed to receiving such nice things from you is that she could get horribly demanding.
You could then easily buckle under pressure, as you love her and only wish to please her. But then a return to gambling could be on the cards, as that is where your cash cow is.
Regular betting can be a tricky slope to fall down, because it can soon turn into a full-on addition if you are not careful.
As a form of exciting entertainment then dipping into the betting arena can be a thrilling experience. Yet you would be hiding this pastime from your girlfriend, which wouldn’t make you happy because you would be hiding this.
You’ve only been dating for a short while, so the sugar-coated version of each other is probably only going to be portrayed to each other for a few more weeks. Wait to see how you feel about each other after edging past the all-important nine months of romance.
I suggest that for the time being you savour your time together, and peel off the layers of information to try to find some mutual interests. These can be the foundation for building a rock solid and meaningful relationship.
Discuss future plans and you may find in conversation that there’s something on your girlfriend’s bucket list that you could make a reality with your recent windfall. That would be an incredible surprise for her, and generating memories is what loving relationships are all about.
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