When Should I Go For The First Kiss?

Why not send former Kingston-resident Love Doctor your relationship queries? Use the form to submit your question(s).


I’ve just been on a brilliant first date with a new girlfriend, but we didn’t kiss.

We’re seeing each other in just over a week, and she’s firmly on my mind.

I’m a bit shy about when to go for a kiss because I fear rejection. Is it appropriate to kiss on the second date or should we wait longer?


R, Westmoreland


Love Doctor’s Answer:

The Love Doctor and his lady

You only get one shot to make an impact with that magical first kiss, which is your positive step towards showing genuine interest in her.

It’s terrific news that you didn’t rush things by planting a kiss on her during your first date, because now she’s aware that you didn’t push her into a forced kiss.

If you’re all over your date like a rash, and go for a forced kiss, then there’s likely to be some reservation from the lady that you’re only interested in her good looks because men are generally visual creatures.

A second date, third date or even longer to wait for that seemingly elusive initial kiss is worth waiting for and makes it more meaningful. By this stage you’ll both know each other much better, so will feel more comfortable. The chemistry will probably have cranked up a few notches, so naturally there’s less fear of rejection when going in for the initial kiss.

However, it’s best not to assume that a kiss is guaranteed just because it’s a second or third date. You must gauge when she’s ready to be kissed, by reading her body language and the vibe between you. Being patient to pucker up will pay dividends, a woman likes to be respected.

Should your dates simply not show any sign of a kiss being on the cards, don’t take it personally. We all have personal boundaries and expectations, and you must avoid getting stuck in the friend zone if there’s a chance of a meaningful relationship.


If you aren’t the patient type then there’s always the opportunity to opt for the goodnight kiss to seal the deal. This is perhaps not the best option as it lacks an impromptu kiss, but it’s definitely the easy option.

A lot about making the move for a first kiss will depend upon whether you love with your heart and think with your head. It’s best not to overthink the kiss, simply follow your instincts.

If a first kiss hasn’t been forthcoming after a handful of dates, you can simply be courageous by referring to her lips as being beautiful and asking if you can steal a kiss.

If your date’s genuinely interested in you then she’ll crack a smile and lean forward for an intimate kiss, because your communication was a form of confidence that is a turn-on for women.

Alternatively, if you prefer to follow your instincts rather than be gentlemanly in requesting a kiss then don’t pussyfoot around.

If you want to kiss her then do it with purpose. Slowly lean in, ideally about three-quarters of the way, so that she also has to move in to show her desire for a kiss.

By only going slowly indicates to your date that you want to kiss her, and if she’s not ready for such intimacy then she can at least turn her head so that you only kiss her cheek.

If she’s receptive, give her a short and respectful kiss. Ensure that it has passion without being overzealous to show the potential of what you two can have, as this is the dating milestone of the physical side of your relationship.

You can always up the ante by introducing hugs. After a few hugs, calculate when it’s appropriate to finally have that first pucker of the lips with her.


Once you have that awkward first kiss out of the way, you two won’t be as nervous with each other. The spark has been lit, and now it’s up to both of you to keep the fire burning.

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