Why not send former Kingston-resident Love Doctor your relationship queries? Use the form to submit your question(s).
My newish relationship was running smoothly until I realised that my boyfriend was watching adult content far too regularly. I now feel just like an object to him.
He has always suffered some p*nis problems (he stays soft) in the bedroom, which made me feel undesirable.
This romance seems doomed. Should I throw in the towel to find a better man?
Tianna, St. Elizabeth Parish
Love Doctor’s Answer:
Sadly too many men rely on watching adult content to get their sexual satisfaction, rather than relate to real life and a special lady who desires the intimacy of lovemaking.
Lovemaking is vital in a romantic long-term relationship, whereas sexual encounters are simply fun ‘n’ frolics for a short-term partnership.
As most men are eager to only seek a short relationship for their own selfish reasons, then they become players. They are too eager to try to impress their peers about how many ladies they can bed.
The majority of men are like bees seeking pollen, so they will relentlessly move from one woman to another and this means these ladies are merely treated like a sex object rather than someone with feelings.
Any true love is not based on this sort of attitude and action. Love is not always the easiest thing to unearth, but respect is always required from both parties.
For a meaningful romance to develop then you need to love each other affectionately, move on to romance before lovemaking is introduced. To follow that order means you have the foundations for a strong relationship.
Adult content has nothing to do with lovemaking, it is purely sex and most of those involved in that seedy industry will have undergone surgery to their looks and probably their sexual organs.
What your boyfriend, who sounds as though he is addicted to ‘dirty movies’, is watching is far from reality, He gets his kicks from his non-existent sex life with you and just p*rn actors/actresses. When it comes down to bedroom fun he is dissatisfied with your body, as it doesn’t measure up to what he is used to seeing on his computer/cell phone.
I’m unsure why you’ve accepted his behaviour and rejection of you. For you to feel unloved like this is unhealthy for your emotional well-being and self-esteem.
Sexual intercourse is merely one way that couples can express their love. This satisfies their own needs, as well as the needs of their partner.
Your man is obviously not interested in you sexually, otherwise he wouldn’t be relying on adult content and then not finding you desirable. It defies logic why you have tolerated this situation and not walked away.
If you persist with him then it will continue to have an extremely negative impact on you, and leave you deprived of finding real love.
This is currently not a loving relationship. I urge you to move on and dump this man. You need to have a serious think about what you want from your next suitor, including what you need from him as a partner both in the short-term and long-term.
Now’s definitely the time to seek a new man who has the spirit, strength and vigour required for bedroom antics but only once your romance has been firmly established.
My advice is that you should not even discuss this matter with your current love interest. You no longer need to be supportive, as he only cares about himself to such an extent that he is offering you a sexless relationship and preferring adult content to you.
Next time you need to look for a man who can offer you intimacy. Be aware that intimacy isn’t just about sex, it needs to include hugs, touch and verbal communication in order to genuinely make you feel special and loved.
Now is the time to venture to find adventure. But be careful that you don’t look in the wrong ponds for Mr Right, otherwise you will could end up kissing lots of frogs in your bid to find your very own Prince Charming.
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