Why not send former Kingston-resident Love Doctor your relationship queries? Use the form to submit your question(s).
I’m getting concerned about my new boyfriend because he keeps having late nights, but never tells me what he’s doing.
I split up with my long-term boyfriend just before Christmas, only after I found out he was being unfaithful. It knocked my confidence and trust.
Last month I met someone new, although it’s a problem that we live quite a distance from each other. It’s great when we meet up every Saturday for the day. I’m wary of whether he’s been up to mischief while he’s not with me. I’m too scared to ask him in case he is messing around behind my back and I’m back to square one of being single.
What should I do?
Love Doctor’s Answer:
Well you shouldn’t live in fear of what the truth may be, because otherwise the relationship is never going to fully blossom. Mutual respect and commitment is vital for a loving relationship to blossom.
Firstly, you have to consider whether you believe that a long distance relationship is going to prove beneficial for you on a long-term basis.
You’re based in the island’s capital, which is brimming with singletons, and to be honest you may be better off finding someone suitable on your doorstep.
Consider whether either of you are clutching at straws in having each other as the love interest. Only seeing each other once a week is not going to set your romantic world alight, unless you both believe that this is unquestionably “the one”.
Secondly, it is advisable to ask him in a lighthearted manner whether he is playing around. Only do this in person where you can read his body language, so you can determine whether he’s been up to no good.
It is definitely worth explaining to this man that you were cheated on in your previous relationship, which was unforgivable, and don’t want to suffer the same scenario.
If he’s playing you like a game of dominoes then you need to establish this, and then bin him because any man who is going to damage your self-esteem is never going to be worthy of your love and devotion.
By tackling these two main issues, you can plan your future with or without him and not sacrifice your self respect with these lingering concerns. Once you have the answers then you’ll know whether hope for a loving partnership has flown away in this current relationship.
If you can establish that it’s just you worrying about something and nothing, ask him to video call when he’s out and about so that you get the reassurance you desire and deserve.
As you are damaged by the disgusting behaviour from your ex-boyfriend, then it’s understandable that you don’t want to suffer that sort of heartache and sorrow ever again. Men are visual creatures, so are likely to get their heads turned unless they are one of a rare breed who keep their blinkers on at all times.
I would strongly urge you to think about what you want out of a relationship, because this is currently only part-time and you may need to seek another soulmate.
I always ask ladies who tell me that they are single but want to find their Prince Charming a couple of important questions.
Firstly, have they got time for a part-time job? If they state no, then they shouldn’t contemplate entering a relationship. Secondly, are they looking in the right ponds for the perfect suitor? If they aren’t then they will end up kissing a lot of frogs yet never find their seemingly elusive Prince Charming.
At the end of the day, you must calculate what you want out of a loving relationship and get some answers from this new boyfriend to settle your mind. Once trust has gone then this triggers the start of trouble, and you don’t want to have your heart broken again.
It’s much better to return to being single than to end up worrying with constant doubt and drama. All of the time you are with the wrong man is time wasted when you could be with Mr Right.
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