Why not send former Kingston-resident Love Doctor your relationship queries? Use the form to submit your question(s).
I’m always getting the cold shoulder after a couple of months. This has been the same story for years and I’m getting fed up with this.
How can I prevent this horrible pattern?
Love Doctor’s Answer:
Sorry to learn that this appears to be repeatedly the same old story, it sounds like Groundhog Day. Obviously these actions must leave you with some self-doubts, and of course are damaging to your self-esteem.
Men are visual creatures, and tend to want to enjoy the chase of a woman that deep down they believe are unattainable or simply out of their league.
Once that chase is over, and the man has gone as far as he ever wanted to in a relationship, then suddenly his interest can wane and he won’t be like the eager puppy dog that he was at the very start.
For these type of men then he’s caught his prey, and now he just wants things to softly develop until his head is turned by another lady. Often a younger version of the one he’s been involved with. You are just the stand-in until his upgrade comes along.
The majority of men are simply seeking fun ‘n’ frolics rather than a full-on relationship, so you should start to sieve through your choice of potential suitors next time rather than just accept anyone just on the basis of looking cute or being fun.
These men that you’ve dated are playing with your emotions and simply tossing you aside when they find someone else attractive. You don’t need to be confused by this serial dumping, just find a solution.
Instead I urge you to pick your next suitor with care, ensure that he doesn’t get his head turned by a flash of flesh from a lady when you are out on a date. Maybe on a first or second date ask a close friend to walk by to check whether he notices her sexy walk, it’s a great litmus test.
If roles were reversed and your eyes followed some good-looking man then your date certainly wouldn’t approve, and then an argument may occur.
Perhaps where you are going wrong is that you are telling your men too much about yourself, or getting intimate too quickly. Maybe you have told these men that you want a committed relationship, or are allowing him to believe that you are stealing his freedom.
All four of these factors can swiftly scare your average man away, so it’s time to reset your control button to steer your romantic life in the right direction.
Be mysterious about yourself over the first month, so that the man has the desire to constantly want to see you to learn more about you. This is a great way to slowly capture his heart.
Don’t get too intimate too soon, because once a man has bedded you then often he has reached the end of the relationship if that was his only real goal.
Sadly too many fellas in this day and age aren’t interested in you as a person, they just have sex on the brain and you are just an object on a conveyor belt. It’s best to wait until you are ready to be intimate, so you must gain control over this aspect of a budding relationship.
Informing a man that you would love to settle down and be married can make most fellas run for the Blue Mountains like Usain Bolt.
You need not reveal your long-term aspirations until you’ve been together for at least six months, then tell him that you’re around for the long-haul journey and that he needs to strap himself in for the magical trip of love and romance with you.
There are a plethora of ways to find your forever love. Men will vanish out of a new relationship when they aren’t committed, and feel trapped. It’s natural for fellas to put their defence mechanisms up unless they start believing you could genuinely be that unique special someone for them.
So you need to start portraying yourself as the one that he wants to show off to friends, family and colleagues. Work out your values and how they could fit into a long-term partnership.
Yes you’ve got flaws, but in the early stages of the relationship those are overlooked. Around two to three months in is when you both realise each other’s flaws, and have to decide whether these can be altered or you can accept them.
If the answer is no, then it’s best to end matters in the early stages. Which seems to be what’s happening to you. I strongly suggest that you ask either an ex or close friends what they believe your romantic flaws are. For example, are you too clingy with these men?
If he starts seeing you as someone who is being selfish by denying him his freedom that he enjoyed before you met, then that’s doomed. He will simply avoid any emotional connection and probably be hoping that you’ll dump him before he has to break things off.
You are a lady who is clearly chasing love and affection, which can be overwhelming for some men in a relatively new relationship, and because of this aspect they could feel smothered by you.
It’s time to flip the script and start letting any new man believe that he has the power, which will then easily boost his ego and self-esteem.
When a man feels he has purpose and offers value, then he’ll be happy. No man is going to walk away from a happy relationship, where he’s emotionally drawn in by a loving lady, so you can easily fix this issue and hey presto find your perfect Prince Charming in time.
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