Should I Give Up On Finding Someone Special?
Why not send former Kingston-resident Love Doctor your relationship queries? Use the form to submit your question(s).
Question:
I’m in my mid-30s and have never been married. My past relationships have left a sour taste in ever finding Miss Right.
I’ve only ever been romantically involved with two women, and they both dumped me over my temporary ill health. We lasted five and three years respectively.
All I wanted was to find someone special to settle down with. They both did a vanishing trick when I was taken unwell for a few months.
I’ve twice bounced back from my health issues. How do I bounce back from having my heart broken each time?
G, Kingston
Well it should be third time lucky for you, and I must say that on the positive side it was certainly a narrow escape for you. Imagine if you had settled down with either lady and been taken ill, would they have run as fast as Usain Bolt out of your life?
Marriage vows include “For better and for worse” for a reason, so it appears that you were barking up the wrong tree with that pair of love interests.
You deserve happiness, and whether it is finding someone to spend the rest of your life with remains to be seen. That’s up to you.
If you still desire ever-lasting love then it’s absolutely vital that you now try to retrieve your motivation, because you need to get your mojo back. Then you’ll have a purpose for getting out ‘n’ about to chat and flirt with single women.
Understandably you must have some mistrust issues because of the torrid way that these women exited your life. Rejection is never easy to handle, but when it is for such selfish reasons then you’re so much better off without either lady around.
We never want good times to end but life is a learning curve, and we learn from mistakes — even if they aren’t ours. The longer you would have spent with either lady means the less time you will be able to spend with your future suitress.
I suggest that you dust yourself down emotionally, and instead of looking in the rear view window simply focus on the future. There’s no need to turn your back on romance, you need to show more resolve and faith.
Before you start looking for the lady who could potentially be “the one” you need to compile a list of 10 character traits that are important to you and long-term happiness. Caring must be on that list, and near the top.
It’s easy to fall head over heels for some people, so follow your heart and your head to avoid getting hurt again. Time is the only healer for a broken heart, and you managed to find another lady after your first love dismissed you so there’s no reason that you can’t repeat this feat.
However, it’s no use rushing back on the dating scene to find yourself in exactly the same position a few years down the line. This time you’ll need to have your guard up as you face a new challenge. I prompt you to take things slowly until your love interest ticks all of the boxes.
There’s nothing wrong with only going on a handful of dates before you discover that there’s no long-term future with the lady you like. You’ve got to be more ruthless in your pursuit of finding a future wife.
You will scare any woman away if you come across like a puppy dog, so play it easy and try to become more romantic overall.
Utilise this time of being single to improve yourself in every way you wish, whether it is upgrading your attire or finding a better job, which will make you feel more confident.
Confidence is an attractive attribute that will get you noticed, and that will 100% help you find a wonderful woman who is deserving of your love and devotion.
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