Why not send former Kingston-resident Love Doctor your relationship queries? Use the form to submit your question(s).
Once a month I’ve been taking my boyfriend to various all inclusive resorts on the island for the weekend. I earn good money and enjoy life, but I’m not enjoying these trips at all.
For me it’s all about chill out time after a hard week’s work. He always drinks way too much and sleeps it off. He never gets up until midday on Sunday, which leaves me having breakfast alone and waiting for him.
I’m finding it a waste of money with him as it’s not romantic like I wanted. I’m thinking of halting my monthly treat because he won’t change.
Should I tell him I want to stop these two-day trips or should I dump him as we’ve only been dating for eight months?
Love Doctor’s Answer:
Well your relationship certainly sounds as though it’s on the wane, and it seems just a question of time before you will go your separate ways if he won’t change.
Although you earn a healthy income, it doesn’t mean that you should flitter it away on something and someone that is not making you happy.
Going away for a romantic weekend should be embraced by both of you. However, it appears that he is one of those selfish men who prefers to go hell for leather and take advantage of the open bar at an all inclusive resort.
Maybe a high consumption of alcohol is the reason why he’s sleeping so much. He should be getting up on Sunday mornings for the only breakfast you have while you are away. It’s unacceptable behaviour to leave you alone at breakfast time, especially as you are the one footing the bill.
If you want to maintain your relationship, which it appears you don’t as you query whether you should dump him, then you need a heart to heart with your boyfriend.
You need to lay down the law and be direct. Tell him that the weekends away were originally planned for you to spend time together, and that you are finding it tricky with his behaviour.
Explain that you feel lonely waiting for him until midday, and tell him that you are being forced to eat breakfast by yourself. Inform him that’s not how you envisaged a romantic weekend to be.
If he’s not prepared to get his act together and consider your feelings, then he’s never going to make you happy in the long term. He needs to learn to compromise and work together so that you can build a loving relationship.
Once you have broached these subjects and he has taken into account the errors of his ways then he will either try to rescue the relationship, or he will let you slip away.
It sounds as though neither of your hearts are truly in this partnership, so a proper sit down talk in a public place is required to either mend this or call it quits.
My advice is to try mentioning these first. Then you won’t even need to tell him that you no longer wish to waste your money and time by taking him away for monthly all inclusive weekends.
If you really want to repair your relationship, then save your pennies and start planning for the future together. There’s so many exciting alternatives to going away.
I urge you to get the ball rolling by suggesting that you find some new hobbies that neither of you have ever tried.
If he gets all stroppy with you and sees red when you confront him about everything then simply walk away and ignore him for a week. Let the dust settle first before you talk, which will allow him not only to calm down but also should make him miss you.
On top of this scenario, you will discover whether you miss him. Then you will be able to decide whether you could have a happy future or whether to break up.
Regardless of which of these materialises, there’s no need for you to stop savouring life at an all inclusive resort once a month. I suggest that you start going with a female friend, or maybe a family member, because then you know that you won’t feel alone.
Not only are the chances high that they will pay for themselves, but you may find that you attract the right sort of attention from a potential love interest should you find yourself single.
Life is too short to waste on those who fail to respect you and won’t compromise. So look deep into your heart and decide what you want in both the short term and long term before you confront your boyfriend.
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