Why not send former Kingston-resident Love Doctor your relationship queries? Use the form to submit your question(s).
I’m so excited because I’ve got lined up a hot date for mid-September, with a lady that my cousin claims could be “the one”.
As I’ve got plenty of time to prepare, what do you think I should do? Can you provide me with some questions to get to know her rather than ask her the basics?
Love Doctor’s Answer:
Congratulations, it is always terrific in life to have something to look forward to and a blind date recommended by someone close to you may well work out.
Firstly, I would stop calling it a hot date otherwise your expectations may just crumble when it comes to the actual rendezvous.
Furthermore, I strongly suggest that you don’t go around telling everyone about this date. That is just in case it doesn’t materialise, or there is no mutual spark between you.
You should certainly try to find out more about your date, in terms of her interests. A mutual interest is the glue that holds a couple together in the early days of courting. With social media you should be able to easily find out what her hobbies are, where she has visited and so forth. I would urge you to do your homework on these, so you come across as knowledgeable but obviously don’t ever inform her that you checked her profiles out. And don’t delve too deeply about her, otherwise you could let slip about something you saw on her social media profile.
On that subject, I urge you to go through your social media profiles to delete or hide anything that could potentially be off-putting to your date. Be aware that she will probably check you out before the rendezvous.
The best bet going forward is to prepare yourself both mentally and physically for this date, because although it is exciting it can be an ordeal overall for the very first get-together.
Mentally, you can use visual tricks before the date to reiterate to yourself that it will go smoothly. This is a method that many top-class athletes use. So you should start, when you have spare time, to envisage where you will go, what genuine compliments you will give, what you will wear and so forth. If you can keep undertaking these visualisations, then when it comes to the rendezvous you won’t be nervous and also you won’t come across like an overexcited puppy dog.
Physically, you have a perfect opportunity to make the best of yourself. Work your way from top to bottom with an improved grooming regime, ensuring that you moisturise your skin both during the day and the evening. Women tend to notice when a man has good facial skin, which can lead to being touched. No woman is going to pay a compliment and touch a man unless she is attracted to him.
As part of any grooming overhaul, there’s no need to splash the cash but do ensure that you invest in some good scent. You don’t want to come across as smelling too overpowering during your date, just a subtle masculine smell that you like. I would urge you to ask some ladies in your age bracket what type of aftershave smell they prefer on a man, and also quiz the women who work in the shop for their opinion.
Armani offers a sensual scent, but can be expensive. You certainly don’t want to smell the same as every other man that this lady has dated. So the best way forward is to use your former aftershave as the base coat, then top up with your new (and probably more sophisticated) choice.
Once you have discovered the best scent for you then start making it your signature smell, but wear it lighter during the day. This will energise you and after a while you are likely to be a head-turner as you constantly smell great.
You should get your haircut somewhere that you know offers top class styles that you admire. This could result in exactly the same cut as you already sport, or a visit there may improve your appearance. A decent haircut is always noticed by ladies, just think how many hours they spend on their hair!
Physically, you need to look and feel confident. Whether that means buying a new shirt or pair of shoes, losing weight or adding muscle depends on your physique. There’s no right nor wrong, it has to be about what makes you happy and you certainly don’t want to portray yourself as anyone but you – the man that your cousin has kindly recommended. So if you are happy as you are, don’t suddenly start running miles to get fitter.
Another vital aspect to prepare is to ensure that you practice your smile in the mirror. Best to try to learn to smile with your eyes, which is not easy. So back to the smile and when you break into a smile, just let it appear slowly as this will come across as genuine and she will soon warm to you as she trusts your smile.
To build up trust, and show your intentions, you can dish out a compliment when it is appropriate and of course only if you mean it. For example you could state “You are looking especially attractive tonight” to offer her that feel-good factor and put her at ease. If something catches your eye that makes her look attractive, do say something like “That dress looks great on you and I see it matches your shoes”. Don’t follow the common mistake of most men and compliment inanimate objects by uttering “I like your dress/shoes/watch”.
It is certainly worth doing your homework to discover how to secure a second date.
But before then, you have to navigate your way through the initial blind date. In response to what questions to ask, there are literally hundreds to choose from. This is not a job interview, so you don’t need to know her emotional baggage, the car she drives, her weight etc. Everything that is important will be revealed over time, if you two start dating.
The secret on any first date is for the man to be a great listener, so you should only undertake around 30% of the talking. Also, try not to reveal too much about yourself on this date.
When she goes home you not only want to have made a brilliant impression on her, but you also need to have your blind date thinking that she didn’t ask you certain questions. Women are more inquisitive than men, so she should be keen for a second date, even if it is just to learn more about you.
Here’s some example questions that could help detract from talking about the nuances of everyday life of being you, so maybe try these to uncover her personality and see whether she indeed could be “the one”.
If you are going out for dinner then ask her “Given the choice of any living person, who would you most desire to be your dinner guest?”
Once the subject of former romances is raised, distract her by asking “What roles do love and affection play in your life at the moment?”
Should she mention music then why not pose the questions of “When did you last sing to yourself? To someone else?”
To discover more about her ambitions and future plans, these are always good questions. “Is there something that you’ve dreamed of doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?”
With any question posed, she may well fire back at you to answer the very same ones so be prepared for that.
On the subject of being prepared it is imperative that you know exactly what it takes to impress on a first date.
Whether there is an initial spark, a mutual interest or common attraction, the most important aspect that you must take to your date is confidence.
Prepare for this blind date by building your confidence through all the aforementioned suggestions. If you are confident about yourself, then you’re most likely to attract the attention you desire and hopefully she is “the one”.
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