Why not send former Kingston-resident Love Doctor your relationship queries? Use the form to submit your question(s).
Dear Love Doctor:
When I get drunk, I stupidly call sex lines.
I did it one Saturday night and in the morning realised what I’d spent on premium rate calls.
I don’t have this problem when I’m sober, but I don’t want to have to give up alcohol completely.
I’m 30 and confident this wouldn’t happen if I was in a relationship, but that’s difficult at the moment with social distancing.
Love Doctor’s Answer:
Alcohol alters behavioural patterns, and in your case it is a call out for being loved rather than being deliberately deviant by the sounds of things.
If you are practising creative adult talk over the phone then you are honing that skill before you enter a serious relationship, and at least phone sex is safe although proving expensive.
The drunk version of you is simply exhibiting the real you rather than politely conforming to society’s rules. Your guilt over this is a surprisingly common issue, but rest assured that phone sex lines exist to help those like you communicating their sexual desires and fantasies that stimulates the brain – and our most sensitive erogenous zone is the brain.
If calling an adult line makes you happy, but not your wallet, then to save money you need to be prepared by knowing exactly what you wish to talk about before dialling. Instead of only managing to make these calls under the influence of drink, you need to feel less self-conscious about your actions. Practice what you want to say, and throw in your own super sexy voice, both will give you some much-needed confidence.
Maybe try to record your conversations on your phone so you can discover what you actually paid for, and determine whether you wish to continue making these phone sex calls. Too much alcohol is only partly to blame for your actions, so you should consider drinking less strong drinks or starting on the booze later than usual.
Social distancing is rapidly easing, so you soon won’t be restricted in meeting some friendly ladies in Kingston. You’re aged 30 and an ideal time in your life to get out there. Although the dirty dancing at dancehall clubs may seem fantastic, these ladies are quite conservative deep down. You need to date them two or three times before you’ll know if there will be any future romance.
Ask these ladies on the phone sex lines for their favourite chat up lines that worked, and try using these. Although a perfect line to use on a lady, once you have dated her a few times, is to state – but only if you mean it – ‘I know that I’ll be good for you’. This simple line can be a clincher towards turning fun times into a meaningful relationship.
You can distract yourself by meeting family and friends instead of sitting at home on a drinks binge and then discovering you’ve splashed your cash on adult phone calls.
There will soon be plenty of eligible ladies, including in the more upmarket hotels in Kingston, that surround the swimming pool at weekends and fill the bars in the evenings. Get yourself down to somewhere like the friendly Jamaica Pegasus Hotel on a Saturday, chill by the pool with a non-alcoholic drink like a fresh coconut before you enjoy some cocktails or beers in the evening. In the meantime work on getting your body into tip top condition so you are lean, mean and proud when you do get to meet ladies.
I’m single, lonely and because of our coronavirus lockdown no-one’s around to meet up to rock ‘n’ rock with – even the supermarkets aren’t full of hot guys!
It’s difficult wearing my face mask and protective gloves in the supermarket as these guys cannot see my smile or appreciate that I’m unattached as I hvae no bling ring.
Ironically my name means lover, yet I’m not loving anyone at the moment. What’s your advice for me to start meeting guys, but not those from dating apps?
Amancia, Constant Spring
Love Doctor’s Answer:
Well you have sensibly followed protocol, but with lockdown restrictions easing rapidly there will soon be a chance to salvage your summer romantically.
You have been handed the chance to be seductive by smiling with your eyes, which is far better than your mouth to entrance a potential suitor. But you will soon be able to beam your best flirty smile in the shops and supermarkets, it’s advisable to practice this in the mirror so that you know that you are giving out the right vibes.
And good news for you is that most single men, and many of those in unhappy relationships, tend to notice whether an attractive lady sports an engagement and/or wedding ring.
As you know Jamaican ladies are not exactly shy and let men know what exactly what they’re thinking, whereas a potential suitor from the island can be overly aggressive. My advice is to learn from your mistakes and turn over a new leaf with future flirting in a more relaxed manner.
The Sovereign Centre, one of the larger malls in Kingston, tends to be choc-a-bloc of incredibly friendly and jolly people. Work out some seemingly innocent lines that you are happy to initiate a conversation with a good-looking stranger.
In the supermarket it’s very different, yet you can easily make conversation by performing a variety of tricks when a potential suitor appears (you should check he doesn’t have a wedding ring on though). These best tricks include: hanging around the frozen meals and trying to engage him in conversation by asking his advice about the meals for one; ensuring that you accidentally bump into his trolley then apologising by touching him on the arm or by handing him a compliment about his taste in food/drink in his trolley; waiting by a shelf where something is high, push the product you want just out of reach then behave like a damsel in distress by asking a man you like the look of to get it down for you.
Away from the shops/supermarkets then a little dutty whining could soon be back on your menu in the capital city’s nightlife, but ensure you have the energy to grind to impress when they reopen. In New Kingston the Fiction Club is probably the best bet, although pricey, where the ladies seem proud and sexy – so you’ll fit in.
I’ve not been out to the dancehall clubs recently, but recalling the places where everyone had fun and it was safe such as Club Privilege and The Deck. At these clubs you have to stand out from the others, and the best way to attract a potential mate is to not drink too much and deliberately bump into him at the bar then apologise. Maintain eye contact, offer to buy him a replacement drink and then introduce yourself.
Apart from shops/supermarkets and dancehall clubs you can organically meet potential suitors at the beach, a hotel swimming pool (best at the weekends) or at a sports venue such as a swimming arena or tennis club.
Another way to meet a man that may be ideal for you is to ask any friends if they know anyone who is your sort. You’ll be pleasantly surprised at how helpful and receptive some galpals may be to play Cupid.
As you state that you are lonely then it’s definitely time for you to consider expanding your social circle rather than simply throw yourself into a relationship. Remember that when singletons are looking for a mate there is an almost invisible whiff of desperation that surrounds us, and many single men will be put off by that unless they are also desperate.
Try to find a romance organically, start to love yourself first, then you’ll be giving off the right vibes that’ll soon have men desperate to make the first move to speak to you instead of you doing all the hard work.
We married 10 years ago, but it wasn’t long before he wanted us to role play that there was another person with us in bed.
As I wanted to keep him happy I went along with this fantasy for years, but he now wants to turn his sexual desires into a reality with a threesome.
We’re both aged 38 and he claims that we need something else to keep our marriage ‘interesting’ as we don’t have any children.
The problem is that he wants to involve my good-looking cousin for his antics, and he’s challenged me to find another man to bring into the bedroom for a further threesome experience.
I’m into our role playing as it is, and willing to try anything naughty with him, but I really don’t wish to share him with somebody else. What should I do?
Michelle – Spanish Town
Love Doctor’s Answer
A ménage à trois, translates from French to a ‘household of three’, meaning there’s a trio involved either romantically or sexually. As your husband had clearly long voiced this fantasy it shouldn’t come as too much of a shock.
You may find it daunting but many men have the same desire, and it is probably because he’s approaching the dreaded age of 39 without having fathered a child that’s pushed him into this revelation. However, as he has mentioned that you’ve no children then he may be hoping deep down that you prefer to start a family rather than be game to this adventure.
Generally, 39 is the worse age for ladies in a serious relationship as they tend to feel that it’s their last chance to have a baby. And for men who are about to reach 39, or just entered their penultimate year before their landmark 40th, there’s a good chance of a mid-life crisis looming. By that I mean for your husband that being consigned to sleeping with the same lady for the rest of his life has suddenly dawned on him. He may like bacon and eggs with strong coffee for breakfast every day, but does he always want exactly the same food and drink? Maybe a continental breakfast for a change to see what he’s missing, and then he’ll fully appreciate what he is served daily.
After a decade of marriage you have to ask yourself why you don’t fancy the idea of bringing in another lady and another man as one-off arrangements respectively to spice up your relationship. You state that you don’t wish to share your husband, but is this down to jealously or that you believe it would be infidelity?
If it is jealously then you have every right to be appalled, but you should ask yourself why you really couldn’t be tempted. Technically it wouldn’t be cheating if you both agreed, so any guilt about infidelity would not be a realistic barrier.
Obviously neither of you would want to bring in a third person that could potentially create a wedge in your marriage, and there’s so much awkwardness now following him opting to involve your cousin. Choosing someone that you both know would be a mistake should you go ahead with his suggestion to spice up your sex life. You would be surprised at how flattered many people would be to be asked to be part of this fantasy, but asking a stranger is not easy so if you did wish to explore this then placing an advert would seem the easier option.
My advice is that you should consider why you are initially objecting and could you have a change of heart? If you cannot face this and you believe it would damage your marriage then simply explain that you are too emotionally fragile, that you’ll be scarred by images of him with another lady, to contemplate a ménage à trois from ever taking place.
He loves you and after 10 years together respects you, so it’s best to leave your husband and his friends to chat about the principles of getting two women into bed rather than allowing his fantasy to become a reality and unsettling you.
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