Can My Brain Chemistry Sizzle Again?
Why not send former Kingston-resident Love Doctor your relationship queries? Use the form to submit your question(s).
Question:
Following a bad break-up I’ve been deliberately single ever since the COVID pandemic. However, I recently met a man that made my brain feel that I’m beginning to feel lovestruck.
Why am I initially attracted to him after being off the singles market for so long and having lost my mojo for years?
D, Hanover
Love Doctor’s Answer
Attraction and love often go hand-in-hand, which is regularly depicted in a sugar-coated way by the mass media. Before the media shoved romance down our throats, love was represented by art and poetry.
It sounds like those sparks of excitement, and maybe the beginning of love, have been reawakened by meeting this man.
There’s no fast and hard rule for when we find romance. Just because your mojo evaporated for years, this meeting with a man has resulted in chemicals in your brain to create romantic feelings of connection, desire and pleasure.
There are a trio of chemicals — dopamine, norepinephrine and serotonin — that will determine whether or not you are attracted to someone. These chemicals will ultimately reshape your brain if you fall in love, although you need to love someone before you become head over heels in love.
I always suggest that to create a meaningful romantic relationship that you should start off by loving someone affectionately, then romantically before sealing the deal sexually — as lovemaking is a wonderful act of true love. You may feel rusty because you’ve been single since COVID caused chaos.
From a scientific aspect, love is the result of chemical changes that occur in the brain when we feel that connection with someone we meet. If you have powerfully connected with this man, and begin to spend more time with him, then ultimately there will be long-term changes in your brain to promote happiness and boost your self-esteem.
If you can start your journey for love with this man then your brain will be releasing oxytocin, which will cause structural connectivity of your brain. This neuroplasticity will assist you to form bonding with him, and should result in immense satisfaction.
Should a romance develop and it is smooth sailing with this man then your brain will respond by producing more chemicals, which is a reinforcement of your contentment and excitement of a new loving relationship.
The only thing that could halt your romantic happiness is stress, which eradicates positive emotions. That’s probably the reason why you were single during the COVID period. Stress can arise for a plethora of reasons — family and friends, finances, health, work etc. Any of these can destroy the positive bonds that were formed by oxytocin and other love-related chemicals.
Should anything begin to stress you out, try to motivate yourself towards an enhanced life and revert to the traditional Jamaican expression of “Negative energy is a waste of energy”.
I would urge you to either try to meet up with this man again or start being more socially active in order to seek someone special for a long-term relationship as it sounds that you are ready for love.
We all deserve romantic love, and when we become emotionally ready it is viable to be strongly motivated by the overwhelming feelings of arousal, desire and pleasure.
Once any initial excitement — often referred to as the honeymoon phase — of a new romance has waned, this is a make-or-break period. You will then have to decide whether your partnership is built on lust, if the relationship is drawing to a natural conclusion or whether as a couple you can become more committed.
Whether this is a love at first sight scenario for you is debatable. It does exist as I’ve personally experienced it three times that all ended up in long-term, loving relationships.
It sounds like there was an unexpectedly rapid rush of dopamine and serotonin for you. These key neurotransmitters drive equally important sensations of pleasure and rewards.
If there’s a connection between you and this man then think about the body language as well as both the verbal and non-verbal communication you each displayed. How will you replicate that again? Will it be with him or someone who is worthy of your attention and devotion?
Be aware that brain chemistry will always cleverly trigger attraction and that remarkable feeling of falling in love.
Love is a biological necessity that’s required for our mental, physical and spiritual well-being. It now appears you are ready to once again unearth a meaningful relationship. Throughout the early stages of any kind of romance your brain will promote attachment, and in due course you can decide whether he can be your perfect partner forever.
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