Why not send former Kingston-resident Love Doctor your relationship queries? Use the form at the end to submit your question(s).
How can I find love during the lockdown period?
Shadowman91 – Waterhouse
Love Doctor’s Answer:
There are many aspects of love, but I suspect that you are referring to the romantic sort.
If you are fired up seeking lust and passion in the long-term then you must first lay the foundations to find this.
However, you are extremely limited at the moment because social media channels and dating apps are not the most reliable as individuals tend not to be very loyal on these.
You need to firstly look at your genuine value to a lady in a relationship in terms of your age, assets, earning power, emotional baggage, intelligence, interests, looks etc.
Once you realise what you can offer a relationship then it is best to ask some close friends if they know of any suitable single local ladies that they can introduce you to.
With smartphones and so many apps around then it is simple enough to initially chat with a lady before video calling, which can ultimately lead to video dating.
For a video date you should kick off by sending some money via an app for her to buy a nice bottle of wine, and agree a set time to have a meal together over your respective cellphones.
Don’t forget to dress up smartly and rustle up a starters, main and pudding that are bound to impress her.
For your second date you can suggest watching a romantic movie together via your smartphones, with other dates enjoying a drink and snack.
As a man ensure that on your dates you listen much more than you talk, and prepare some questions to ask. Always be honest, dress sharply and aim to impress.
Once lockdown is over you will be able to date in person if all goes well, and when she tells her galpals how she met you then you will most likely have won them over with your idea of conducting romantic dates during lockdown.
I finished with my girlfriend in February after nearly three years together. Things just weren’t moving on the way I’d hoped – she’s aged 33 and I’m 31, and I reached the stage where I wanted serious commitment.
Even though she’s slightly older than me she’s very immature in lots of ways, so I knew she wasn’t ready to talk about marriage, kids or setting up a home together.
She didn’t take it well and wasn’t expecting it, even though I tried to have these conversations with her several times in the past.
She kept calling me, trying to get me to reconsider, but I’ve stuck to my guns.
Now she’s parading a new flirtation with a mutual friend of ours on social media.
A couple of other mates have got in touch to say they think she’s rubbing my nose in it and trying to make me jealous.
I’ve tried to switch off from it, but there’s not much else to do at the moment apart from look at things online. I don’t think she’s even serious about this other man. I believe that she’s just doing it to wind me up and it’s kind of working.
I know she was upset, but most of our time together was good.
How should I deal with it?
Jevaughn – Halfway Tree
Love Doctor’s Answer:
You state that you are sticking to your guns, but you are only having some doubts because of the island’s lockdown because you are spending so much time on social media.
You made the decision to end this long-term relationship, you stated it wasn’t progressing as you had hoped.
Even when she tried to repair the romance you didn’t wish to get back together, and were adamant about your decision.
You obviously had deep feelings for this lady, who appears to have instinctively swiftly moved on. Individuals bounce back from the hurt following a break up in different ways, especially as it came as a shock to your former girlfriend.
I would not take it to heart that she is deliberately showing that she has a new love interest.
But you are best to block your former girlfriend and her latest man from your social media platforms until you are comfortable enough to see her happy in a relationship.
You may struggle for a while, but time is the healer and when the lockdown is over you will feel a sense of relief as you can get out and about to undertake your own flirting.
Use this time to hone your flirting skills, heal your heart and always follow the traditional Jamaican expression of “Negative energy is a waste of energy” whenever you begin to worry.
Went to a work party last month and met someone with an instant connection.
I can’t stop thinking about her, I think she thinks the same but I’m married and I don’t know what to do.
She has asked to meet me next week what shall I do?
Devon – St Andrew
Love Doctor’s Answer:
Well with the island’s lockdown you would be foolhardy to risk your health and indeed your marriage by agreeing to meet up with her.
It sounds like she is unaware that you are already a taken man. I suggest that you deal with this problem by admitting to her that although you really like her you are unable to meet as you are married.
No lady wishes to play second fiddle, and it would be unfair on your wife to entertain seeing this lady.
I suggest you draw a line under this mistake, and after letting this lady down gently banish her from your mind and your cell phone.
A relationship should never comprise three people, so turn your attention back to your wife and give her the devotion she deserves.
I’m a 30-year-old businessman, who has been married for three years but have no children.
I have always had a high libido, however my wife is quite the opposite – she can be very selfish when it comes to satisfying her desires.
What I mean by this is that she only mentions sex whenever she is in the mood, and once she is satisfied it is over for her. During the act I’m only focused on pleasing her, and she is also only focused on pleasing herself.
Once she is satisfied, her usual response is that she is tired or that the time is too hot for her to continue so “we will pick up tomorrow” – but tomorrow never comes.
I’ve tried to be as respectful and understanding as possible, and I’ve considered and discussed with her all options including whether she’s having an extra-marital affair, is not in love with me and/or has gone through some traumatic experience in her past.
I’ve tried talking to her on countless occasions, and I’ve even suggested counselling, but she’s shot down all ideas about the issue and just blows it off as a joke or states that she is not a robot. I’ve had to please myself on a regular basis to remain faithful to my marriage and mentioned this in an attempt to bring some sobriety to the situation, yet she literally laughed and said I’m lying.
I have a good career – providing for my wife and household comes first. I always try to be as understanding and caring as possible. I’m tall, handsome and athletic.
What I am trying to confirm is that my issue is not that females are not very attracted to me, but that I just believe in remaining faithful to my partner. I think at this point that the problem is not that she does not see what’s happening, but that she just does not care.
The main issue I’m having is that, I think this is affecting me on a psychological level and it has affected my libido in a negative way. I find that I am constantly thinking about this issue, and I have found that my erections are just not as hard as before or sometimes even non-existent.
She travelled on business recently, when she unexpectedly started sending me provocative photos and videos. It was as my issue was resolved. The first night when she returned we started to have sex, she climaxed but then it was back to square one – she said we would continue tomorrow. Imagine how disappointed I felt.
I believe this issue is due to the fact that I am constantly suffering inside due to lack of emotion from my other half. How can I approach this issue?
Love Doctor’s Answer:
There are numerous reasons for your wife switching off from the intimate act of lovemaking.
From the way you have presented your question and the content you do not lack confidence, but one reason for your wife neglected you could easily be her insecurity and lack of body confidence.
If she isn’t feeling body confident this is a major obstacle in the way to terrific lovemaking.
There could be other factors, such as any medication she takes, past sexual abuse, personal or religious belief about sex or the pain factor from lovemaking putting her off.
You mentioned infidelity or her not being in love with you. If she has been unfaithful then recovering a sexual connection can be extremely tricky, so that aspect really does need addressing with a serious conversation.
As for her not being in love with you, ladies do have monthly cycles when intercourse is off the agenda so you must understand that you are then off her agenda between the sheets. It really sounds like you two need to start communicating more effectively to move forward because this ongoing rift about sex has resulted in recent dysfunctional erections (unless you are taking some medication that accounts for that). The shelves in Jamaica’s supermarkets are packed to the rafters with aphrodisiacs so best to try some of those.
Move on from feeling constantly rejected by your wife and because she sent you sexy photos when she was away means she is probably waiting for you to start taking more control.
You should start sending flirty texts and/or photos during the day and when she gets home give her lingering kisses, buy her sexy lingerie and pay her more compliments.
Once you work out what makes her feel beautiful, sexy and special then actually make that happen.
The key to long-term happiness between the sheets is to respect each other but your wife needs to have fun, relax and be appreciated before you can both be fulfilled.
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