Why not send former Kingston-resident Love Doctor your relationship queries? Use the form to submit your question(s).
I need to find a new woman because mine is no longer desirable to me. Our passion has died because of this COVID-19 as we are not seeing each other. We only communicate through phone calls and text messages as she lives in Halfway Tree in Kingston, which means we are miles away from each other.
How do I get my mojo back?
K – St Elizabeth
Love Doctor’s Answer
Unfortunately the coronavirus pandemic has accounted for millions of relationships coming to an abrupt end for a variety of reasons.
The main cause of break-ups across the globe, not specifically Jamaica, has been that couples had been spending too much time together so the flaws were starting to show.
This reason has not been the factor for you, just the complete opposite with distance and probably loneliness causing you to experience a sense of lack of desire and intimacy.
With time on your hands you have been forced to re-evaluate your relationship, which ultimately has resulted in you losing interest in your partner. In reality this appears to be down to a basic fear of abandonment and your commitment issues.
Maybe, because of your past relationships or upbringing, you have developed commitment issues. This fear factor for you could include such scenarios as being cheated on, ending up hurt and upset or even feeling trapped in a relationship for the rest of your life.
My advice is to first check whether either of you are ‘breadcrumbing’, which in your case would be sending flirty yet non-committal text messages, as this is a definite sign that there is trepidation in making the relationship permanent.
As you are the one wishing to back off, using the excuse about long distance and not spending time together, this appears to be a major commitment issue.
Before you throwaway your relationship, I recommend that you compile two lists. One listing your five major concerns about why you believe the partnership is not working out for you as expected, with the other listing your favourite aspects about this lady that you used to desire. You need to then compare the lists and re-order, then from your answers you will discover what is important to you and whether you can grow together.
These lists are not intended to find faults with your partner, nor to find valid reasons why you should no longer date.
If you remain unsure whether the relationship should continue, albeit stifled because of the coronavirus crisis, then it is best to share your initial concerns with your lady. She may also have worries but has been deliberately hesitant to broach the subject, although from your question I can only imagine that she would voice worries about your commitment levels.
It sounds like your way of dealing with fear of commitment could be the commonplace way of thinking that the grass is always greener elsewhere. By this adage I refer to the fact that on one hand it can feel like you love being in the relationship with your girlfriend despite the distance, but on the other hand you wish to flee the partnership to seek your ‘upgrade’.
This ongoing stress of limited socialising has been persistent across the island, so any up and down emotions caused by COVID-19 has caused you to ride the ‘coronacoaster’ and may also have resulted in you naturally losing passion for your lady.
You are obviously seeking a sure-fire solution to recapture your enthusiasm for not only life but also a loving relationship.
I recommend that you start the journey to getting your mojo back regardless of whether you split up or not. You must invest some time into complying sensible and achievable lists. This is because when you list objectives you will always find a purpose, and once your accomplish your goals you will rediscover the feel-good factor that can be akin to the feeling of being in love.
By setting targets, which I’m pretty sure you complied during this coronavirus such as learning a new language or how to play a new instrument, you must be determined not to deviate this time. You need to find motivation to complete tasks and get your mojo back when you reach these goals.
One of the most dreadful factors, which leaves individuals zapped of self-esteem, during COVID-19 is that they have let themselves go. Whether your abode, appearance, grooming and so forth have been neglected means that you need to urgently turnaround this issue by writing a list of how to improve yourself and/or home.
My advice is that it is time to add zest into your life, reconnect with family and friends online and/or via your cell phone. Treat this as a practice run for when there will be opportunities to meet new people face-to-face, because if you are ready to move from one relationship and straight into another you need to offer value to the next lady.
If you are convinced that you won’t regret the split and will find that seemingly perfect relationship next time, then by all means follow your heart but 100% avoid chasing a lady who is totally unattainable for you.
Should you require a sensible step-by-step plan to make yourself look and feel more attractive, I recommend you read my advice for a man in a similar situation at: https://jablogz.com/2021/03/how-do-i-attract-a-better-looking-potential-partner-help-me-love-doctor.
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