Could Vacation Rekindle Our Romance?
Why not send former Kingston-resident Love Doctor your relationship queries? Use the form to submit your question(s).
Question:
My boyfriend is trying to tempt me back to be part of his life. We had a messy breakup just after Valentine’s Day.
Out of the blue he emailed me to offer a vacation to Mexico “to work things out”.
I’ve been busy throwing myself into work to forget our failed relationship. Now I’m torn about whether to turn back time or whether to ignore him. Please advise.
W, Black River
Love Doctor’s Answer:
Offering you a fancy trip to Mexico is either dangling you with the incentive of something special and caring, he just wants to prove his love for you or he’s lonely.
When a relationship has ended, whether it petered out naturally or came crashing down, this signals the time to evaluate what went wrong and what lessons we have learned.
We can generally only learn from our mistakes, and improve our romantic life the next time.
As it appears that you’ve been burying your head in the sand by working hard in order to try to forget about him, you’ve not properly learned your life lesson about love.
This is the reason why you are considering his offer of a vacation, because it seems that your heart has yet to heal or even start to get over the relationship.
He is fortunate that you are not acting like a woman scorned, as you mentioned that you experienced a messy end to your partnership.
The absence of good communication is one of the main problems for a relationship breaking down, and this is a dilemma you now face of whether you wish to reopen the communication channels.
The real question you need to answer yourself truthfully is whether you envisage a long-term relationship with him. If you can, and feel that the trip to Mexico could prove beneficial to making the relationship work then you must begin by gradually encouraging him by keeping open the channels of communication.
Turning back to a former lover is always the easy option, and for many the lazy way, so be very careful how you perceive any potential rekindling of the partnership going.
At least by him being eager to relight the fire he’s offered you an olive branch, which appears to be the fact that he can’t let go of your loving partnership.
I urge you to be apprehensive about the planned vacation, and not rush into it. Be gentle when you deliver the news that you are not going to be able to take that trip for at least three months, and explain that you would like to start rebuilding what you had before booking a trip to Mexico.
There’s no magic wand to suddenly make everything perfect because you are relaxed and overseas. Yes it’s a lovely gesture and a great starting block, but the reality of everyday life once back from relaxing in Mexico could be a huge contrast.
This latest challenge, because your heart has yet to be truly won over by your ex, means you aren’t totally convinced about whether your last boyfriend was the right man for you on a long-term basis.
If he has been on your mind in recent weeks then I urge you to suggest spending time romantically before booking the vacation, as you want to build up the same trust and respect you previously held. If it all goes pear-shaped then it will be easier to shake him off.
Should you truly believe in your heart that you can rebuild the relationship up on mutual love, trust and respect then the trip could be perfect to build new foundations.
I suggest that when you discuss everything on vacation in Mexico you both plan the same long-term romantic ambitions and life goals, rather than rely on the escapism of fun and frolics.
On the other hand, if there’s no chance of you two getting back together you must be direct and explain that you wish to move on with your love life. Politely state that you feel he’s holding you back, and give him some examples. He should respect your decision and not keep bothering you.
Life is too short to have regrets, especially about love and romance. An aching heart is not ideal to try to return to a former romance.
Only when your heart has healed, as breaking up is a confusing time, should you consider any other man apart from your ex for dating. At least love often strikes when you least expect it, especially when you are not looking.
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