How Do I Steer My Ex Towards Marriage?
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Question:
My ex-boyfriend has gotten in touch as he is moving back to the Caribbean because of his job. His two years in Europe ends in January. I get the impression that he wants to get back together.
We dated for quite a while before he moved. I went to visit him for a month. It was paradise being under the same roof together. He was always attentive, generous and kind.
A few months after I returned to Jamaica, he suggested we split. This was because it would only be a part-time relationship. We hadn’t been in touch since that setback until he messaged me out of the blue.
I’ve stayed single, yearning for his love. I want to grasp this opportunity and make him my husband one day. How do I go about this?
B, Kingston
Love Doctor’s Answer:
It sounds like his communication has ignited the torch you hold for your former lover, but you appear to be trying to run before you can walk.
It may have just been a friendly reach out by your ex-boyfriend, and you are unaware whether or not he is romantically involved. You could discover, to your horror, that he is married to a European lady while he has been living and working over there.
My initial advice is to not read too much into his recent contact. He may want to meet up as friends only, maybe he wants face-to-face closure. Although it is not impossible that he wishes to try and rekindle your romance.
European ladies are very different to Jamaican women in so many ways, although you failed to mention whereabouts in Europe he is based because that is a large continent.
You should subtly try to find out his relationship status. Try social media channels, and also ask any mutual friends or his former work colleagues. You don’t want to be heartbroken by finding out that you are completely out of the equation, especially as you have built up your hopes with him.
Although you stayed single, men are visual creatures so tend to be lured into rebound relationships. Even though he may not have been emotionally ready for another romance, he could have got his head turned in Europe after your relationship ended.
SECOND SHOT
On the other hand, if you sense that your ex-boyfriend has made sudden contact because he fancies a second shot with you then you could be right. A woman’s intuition is frequently spot on, especially when it comes to relationships.
Spending a month together in new surroundings will always be exciting. You also had the added bonus of your ex-boyfriend showing good character and traits.
The distance between you was the cause for your split, so you need to contemplate whether you are genuine soulmates before you get carried away about marriage. That’s a massive leap from a former romance that fizzled out to becoming husband and wife.
I’m confused as to why there was zero communication between you, unless he entered a new relationship. Your heartache, since your split, generally takes three years to fully heal.
And now you are trying to fast forward the repair by trying to lure your ex-boyfriend into marriage. Maybe that is because of all the sugar-coated love that is portrayed in the media leading up to Christmas and the New Year.
AVOID OVERZEALOUSNESS
I urge you to gradually open up the channels of communication without sounding too desperate for his love and affection. Keep conversations flowing, mentioning the future as well as the past so that you can offer him some value.
As he will have been away from the island of the sweet cold breeze for two years, things will have altered. You can tell him about new places that opened, and prompt him to try these out together.
It is tricky to gauge whether he is being genuine if he agrees with you about visiting these. Sort out a long-awaited rendezvous with him, and tie him down to a specific time and date.
Once that is arranged, your best bet is to pick out a couple of exciting things that you experienced together in Jamaica. It is essential to speak enthusiastically about these to encourage him, then go for the kill by suggesting that you ought to do at least one of these together.
This is when you should be able to determine his future interest in you, if he agrees to a repeat experience. Tie him down to setting this up, rather than being a throwaway line.
FEEL YOUR BEST
When he returns to Jamaica, ensure that you have given yourself an upgrade with a makeover to ensure that you look and feel the best you possibly can.
I strongly urge you to invest in two scents that become your signature aroma. One for work/daytime that is fresh and subtle, but a citrus scent for the evenings as the smell will alert the sexual senses of men.
If you can organise a rendezvous with your former beau, the aroma of grapefruit or lemon will drive him wild.
You will need to build up mutual respect and trust before you can expect to bring commitment to the table. Find out about his aspirations and goals, because you don’t want to discover that he will move with work again and dump you once more.
Enjoy yourselves, by finding mutual interests to rekindle your dating days and nights. It is also worth asking him to cook you a European meal, which will be an intimate experience.
WAITING GAME
After six months, if the chemistry remains, you can tell him that he is viewed as a long-term lover and maybe one day even as a husband. This is when you need to pay careful attention to his body language and demeanour to determine his thoughts.
When you bring the word marriage into the equation, it is vital to follow my 2-1 psychology tip. Avoid using the word I and butter him up with a pair of positive sentences about his character, followed by a single line mentioning marriage without making it a question.
At this stage you need to not appear overzealous, just act as though it is an off-the-cuff consideration.
His response will give you an indication of whether you have his heart’s desire, or are just conveniently there for him following his two-year stint away from the island.
You should have already reignited the spark between you, so this is a realistic make-or-break scenario. You sadly may find that he is playing you like a game of dominoes.
One way or another you are then best to read my book ‘Journey To Find The Perfect Partner Forever’, which is brimming with the path to ensuring that you find a truly meaningful and loving romantic relationship that will last forever.
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