Does Size Really Matter For Lost Love?
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Question:
I’ve just found out from mutual friends that miscommunication caused my split from my man last year. With this new information I want to get back in touch with him, and see if we can get back together.
I blocked him in a fury. Since the break we’ve not had anything to do with each other despite having been soulmates.
My big problem is that I was slim, but I’ve put on 12 pounds since we broke up. I resorted to comfort food to deal with my heartache. I’m really concerned that he won’t find me attractive. What’s a good plan going forward?
B, Kingston
Love Doctor’s Answer:
It’s horrible when a romantic relationship comes crashing down, and to deal with the trauma it is common to throw time and energy towards one aspect in life. Often it is work, sometimes it is reckless dating that can dangerously end up as a rebound, although more frequently it is alcohol or food.
Just because you’ve piled on the pounds does not make you unattractive looking in comparison to the previous version he loved. If you were truly soulmates, like you mentioned, then any flaws will be overlooked.
Your ex-boyfriend wasn’t with you just because you were slim. He was by your side because of your great character and personality.
Men are generally visual creatures, which is why so many men over 50 tend to prefer to keep trading in their romantic partner for a younger model.
Being shallow is a terrible flaw. Ladies accept that their looks are starting to wane beyond a certain age. Yet women will fight this and many aim for a more youthful look through beauty treatments, visits to the hairdressers etc.
Good looks fade over time, but good character won’t. It is far better to boast a great character than wondrous looks.
WEIGHT LOSS TIPS
Your quick solution, if this weight gain is concerning you, is to simply try and reverse this without having to go on any special diets. I suggest a two-pronged attack, which is cheap, quick and effective.
You should start doing more exercise, try doubling your time cycling, at the gym or even walking. Exercise burns calories, can reduce stress and releases endorphins that have mood-boosting effects.
On top of that, your best bet to curb your appetite is to drink a large glass of sparkling water before every meal. This simply fills up your stomach, so means that you eat less and saves you money on your food bills.
If you were soulmates, and the reason for your break-up could have been prevented, there’s an extremely high chance of you being able to repair the romantic relationship.
It’s not as simple as pressing the reset button. You don’t know his personal circumstances since you’ve not been in touch for a whole year, and could discover that he’s moved on romantically.
If that’s the case, you can either be happy for him or go for one last roll of the dice by arranging to meet up face-to-face somewhere that you’ve never visited as a couple. That, of course, means unblocking him and hopefully he hasn’t blocked you.
FACE-TO-FACE CHEMISTRY
Remember that he could have altered physically over a year too, and you may not find him attractive any more. You will only know this when you meet up, because your chemistry can only be truly measured in person and not through photos.
If you can give him two suggestions of where to meet, and avoid any yes or no responses from him, then you’re more likely to achieve a rendezvous.
Make it in a fortnight’s time rather than rush it, as that gives you something to look forward to and to implement the sparkling water trick to shed any excessive weight. Here’s some tips on how to prepare for a date with an ex.
If you do meet up, it is best to immediately deal with the fact that there was a misunderstanding between you to cause your split. This is when you should both be apologising and accepting responsibility regardless of who was at fault. It is essential to compromise and work as a team.
You certainly have to broach the subject of why you blocked him, and ask for his forgiveness. That act did not show a good character trait, and indicates tendencies of being a controlling person.
Gradually get to the point where you explain that you believe he is your soulmate, and would like a second shot. Tell him two or three things why you love him, and add a couple of aspects that you have missed from being with him over the past year.
BUILD UP THE PASSION
The ball’s in his court. If there can be mutual commitment and respect, there’s every reason for you to get the romance back on track as long as you take things slowly to build back the passion.
Don’t fret too much about your additional weight, just ensure that when you turn up to meet your ex-boyfriend that your clothes reflect the sexy version of you. As he’s a visual creature, this is your opportunity to blow his mind and make him realise how beautiful looking you are.
You will want to present the best version of you to him, so don’t overdo the perfume or bling. Wear smart casual that makes you feel comfortable and confident. You don’t want to look as though you have tried too hard, otherwise you’ll reek of desperation.
You can boost your confidence and improve your mood if you both exercise and drink sparkling water before every meal, which will get your body back towards your previous dress size.
You are armed with a plan that you simply need to implement. Once you start to feel attractive and confident again, he’ll pick up those vibes and not want you out of his life if there’s that bond as true soulmates.
Be aware that romantic relationships evolve over time, and because of your year apart it’s possible for your former flame to have fallen out of love with you despite having previously been deeply in love with you.
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