How Do I Prepare For A Date With My Ex?
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Question:
I’ve surprisingly heard from an ex-girlfriend who wants to meet up in a couple of weeks. We were together for two years but drifted apart.
I think we were such a perfect couple. Hopefully we can reignite the magic between us, because we’ve both stayed single since we split.
I’m after some surefire tips for our date to impress her.
L, Saint Elizabeth
Love Doctor’s Answer:
Turning back time can work for some couples, but for others it can prove disastrous because the chemistry may have naturally fizzled out.
Although you’ve both decided to stay single since you went your separate ways, it’s highly probable that the reason for this was that neither of you were emotionally available to find a new partner.
You mentioned that you drifted apart, so maybe the honeymoon period came to a natural close and this romance is irreparable.
Yet if the grounds for your break-up were caused by unforeseen circumstances, and you could rekindle your connection, then this rendezvous may well be the start of something special.
There could be a plethora of reasons for your ex-girlfriend wishing to meet up. Maybe she desires closure as she’s met someone new, or she has realised that your romantic relationship is worth a second shot.
DO SOME DETECTIVE WORK
I would advise you to subtly try to find out whether she is actually single. This is because often a rebound relationship can occur, or if there’s immense heartbreak it takes time to heal.
You certainly don’t want to build up your hopes only to discover that she’s found a new boyfriend, so do some detective work before you meet up. She may well be in two minds as to whether her latest beau is an upgrade over you, and that’s her reasoning for reaching out to you.
As you have agreed to meet her, and would love to get back together, you should ensure that you present yourself as the very best version you can be at this time.
I suggest that you get a new hairstyle, introduce a signature citrus-based scent to naturally excite her and turn up smartly dressed in clothes that she hasn’t previously seen you in.
You still need to be the same person deep down, just slightly repackaged as an improved version if you intend to sweep her off her feet.
THOUGHTFUL TOKEN GIFT
Try and find a small gift for her, nothing too lavish because you don’t want to buy her affection, just something that relates to your times together.
This token present offers you the opportunity to talk about a specific time you both enjoyed, and shows that you are a thoughtful man.
There are numerous tips you can implement when meeting up that will help your cause, which includes subtle flirting skills.
To help build up connection you should definitely use eye gazing, where you need to try to lock eye contact for an extra second or more, and mirror her body language.
Try to avoid using the word I during your conversation, and as often as you can try inserting the word we. For example, state “Do you remember when we visited x, y or z”. Instead of saying “I agree” you must state “You’re right”.
FOCUS ON THE FUTURE
It’s imperative to only do about 70% of the listening, and focus on the future rather than keep harking back to the good times together. Staying silent after asking a question will prove to her that you are a good listener, and she’s likely to reveal more information to fill this silence.
Pausing before you respond to any questions she has will not only make you appear thoughtful, but it conveys your confidence. Women do like a man who shows confidence.
You haven’t revealed who was responsible for deciding to go your separate ways. If it was you, apologise for the break-up and explain the reasons. She will be more understanding if you can accept why the romance crashed, and is likely to be compliant if you throw in the word “because”.
It sounds like the conversation should be free-flowing, although please be prepared for a potential bombshell like she is moving from the area or has found a new love interest.
UTILISE BODY LANGUAGE
Body language, both what you convey and by reading hers, will play a massive role in determining whether you can return to being a loving couple. Ensure that you nod when stating something positive, as this will help her to agree with you.
Concentrate on showering her with positive vibes, especially about her character rather than her physical looks. When you first meet it is vital to throw her a flattering comment, whether it is about the way she smells or looks.
You need to state something along the lines of “That perfume smells amazing on you, what is it?”, “That dress looks fabulous on you, the colour really suits you” or “Loving your new hairstyle, it really suits your pretty face.”
Avoid referring to an inanimate object, and instead make it about her. So many men are lazy with words and will only utter such nonsense as “cool shoes”, “great handbag” and “nice dress”.
EYE CONTACT AND SMILES
Men are visual creatures, but often their eyes move from the face to breasts. Maintain eye contact, and beam a friendly smile.
I urge you to constantly use her name, or her pet name, during conversation. This will quickly build up the rapport between you, and helps to build up mutual confidence.
Once you have established why you are meeting, rather than rush things you should try to use the foot-in-the-door technique by asking her for a small favour. In your scenario it is best to ask her to accompany you to try out a new bar or restaurant so that you can easily secure a second date.
When we decide to buy something, often we get excited and can make an impulse purchase. By holding off and revisiting the potential object we want a day or two later we realise that we were caught in the moment.
DO-OR-DIE SECOND DATE
This is the same with romantic relationships, with a second date generally the make-or-break scenario. You both may believe that you should have never split up and can resurrect the romance, but a second rendezvous is advisable.
Offer her a choice from two options for your next date. Next time is when you two can be more direct and discuss a possible future together.
Use your second date to try and establish whether there’s genuine commitment from both of you to repair this romantic relationship.
It is essential for you to concentrate on rebuilding mutual trust and respect if you both want to press the reset button and move forward.
All romances need to gradually build up if they are to succeed. You need to re-establish loving each other affectionately before you move to romantic love and ultimately to the sexual aspect.
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