Is It Mischievous To Send Exes Valentine’s Cards?
Why not send former Kingston-resident Love Doctor Monti, the author of Journey To Find The Perfect Partner Forever, your relationship queries? Use our form to submit your question or send an email.
Question:
I’ve been single for almost a year after being dumped.
I’m thinking about sending my last two exes a Valentine’s card, as I’ve no one special in my life.
Should I do this to both of these guys? And how do I sign it?
Kiyana, St. Thomas
Love Doctor’s Answer:
If you have a crush on someone at least 14 February offers the perfect opportunity to express to that seemingly special someone that you have feelings about them.
Being mysterious on the world’s most romantic day is one thing, but hedging your bets on your exes is another.
The fact that you were dumped by your previous partner, and have yet to bounce back, means that you are acting a bit desperate by even considering sending him a Valentine’s Day card.
It is not a particularly clever approach to potentially put the cat among the pigeons by trying to communicate with someone who ultimately hurt you.
By letting your last ex-boyfriend know that you still yearn to be together means that you are emotionally vulnerable. However, I don’t know the circumstances of why you split up, and when your communication was cut.
SECOND SHOT
If you believe that he was your soulmate, and that the reasoning behind your break up couldn’t be helped, then yes it’s fine to contemplate a second shot. But only if there can be mutual love, respect and trust.
Before you get carried away, by thinking about sending either of these men a Valentine’s Day card, you should examine why you wish to reach out. If it is for purely selfish reasons because you feel unloved, then please reconsider your potential actions.
You also have to think about how these men will feel to hear off you, as you were history.
If either of them are enjoying a full-on loving relationship, which you should be able to check via social media channels, then it could prove upsetting for them to receive an unexpected Valentine’s Day card.
FOUND OUT
You could be viewed as being mischievous if their significant other discovers a Valentine’s card from you.
Although meeting either ex-boyfriend, after you send a Valentine’s card, could prompt you to believe that things are on an upward spiral as far as you are concerned.
However, if either of these men are already romantically involved and wish to meet up, then there’s no future as once a love rat then always a love rat.
If you discover that both of these exes are single, your best option is to choose just one to focus on. If they are both taken you are best to focus your attention towards someone else entirely this Valentine’s Day.
ONE LOVE
It’s going to be 14 February, which offers you the perfect opportunity to make a statement by showing with your actions that you would like to date one man — not two men as you originally hoped. Either a former flame or someone new.
Imagine what would happen if both previous partners discovered that you had sent a Valentine’s card to an ex-boyfriend. You could find yourself in a tricky situation, and possibly earn yourself a bad reputation.
You are best to send your love interest a red rose on the morning of Valentine’s Day, along with an unsigned card suffice for one confidently written kiss, to his workplace. It’s considered unlucky to sign a Valentine’s Day card.
RED ROSE
Only a red rose will do, as it signifies love, passion and romance. The ancient Greeks and Romans thought highly of red roses, which were a symbol of Aphrodite and Venus — their respective goddesses of love.
Avoid giving a single yellow rose, as it represents friendship. While sending a single white rose is associated with marriage, and could result in him running almost as fast as Usain Bolt.
Do spray some of your favourite scent on the envelope, and on the back of the card include your phone number or WhatsApp details as he may have deleted these after your split.
This mysterious approach will garner more interest than a piece of prose, and by adding your contact details means he should be tempted to reach out if interested.
WAITING GAME
Sending the card and flower to his office should result in his work colleagues encouraging him to contact you, so then you have to play the waiting game and be patient.
If you’ve heard nothing by the end of the month, then forget him entirely and focus on the future.
On the other hand, you may hear from this fortunate fella to express his appreciation for your thoughtful card and flower. Follow up with short responses of two or three words, which will encourage him to do the chasing.
LOST SPARK
The thrill of the chase, men normally undertake around 70% compared to a lady’s 30% effort, helps to keep the excitement going. And many relationships fail when familiarity breeds contempt, when the spark has been well and truly lost.
If all goes smoothly from your endeavours, and you let him chase you, then hopefully you’ll land yourself a post-Valentine’s Day date and be able to re-explore an improved version of what you experienced together last time.
Prepare properly for this first date, because you will want to impress and not end up being single for another year.
UNREQUITED LOVE
Be aware that there’s endless cases of unrequited love and those treading a fine line between admiration and desire on Valentine’s Day, so don’t make yourself look desperate or foolish.
Should your card and rose be appreciated, and reopens the channels of communication with an ex-boyfriend, then you two will realise that you have genuine affection and fondness for each other.
You are aiming for the ultimate reward of being in love, but if there’s no response there’s plenty of other ways to find that seemingly elusive perfect partner forever.
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