My Fake Smile Is Attracting Unwanted Attention
Why not send former Kingston-resident Love Doctor Monti, the author of Journey To Find The Perfect Partner Forever, your relationship queries? Use our form to submit your question or send an email.
Question:
I’ve been walking around with a forced smile since September, following a messy break-up.
Hiding my hurt from friends and family has been super tough. My smile attracted tons of female attention over Christmas, and I’m now getting bombarded with messages by women who are keen to meet up.
I don’t think that I’m properly over my ex-girlfriend, who disappeared off the island after our split and has vanished off social media. Should I date one of these ladies rather than feel sorry for myself?
L, Portmore
Love Doctor’s Answer:
As devastating as it is when a loving relationship comes crashing down, the harsh reality is that it takes time for a heart to heal.
Although having what is effectively a fake smile, so that you don’t get the sympathy vote from people, the fact that you’ve continued with this over the festive season has generated potential trouble for you.
Your smile was probably seen as flirting by a bevy of ladies, hence the unexpected attention you received. However, they are only messaging you as they have your cell phone number.
You only have yourself to blame, because if you were partying and a pretty-looking lady was chatting then I suspect you asked to exchange numbers. Even if that wasn’t the scenario, these women have your number and from your question it appears that they want to see if they can build up a relationship.
AVOID HEARTACHE
It certainly sounds as though you aren’t emotionally available to commit, on top of obviously wanting to avoid the same sort of heartache that you sadly suffered last year.
You got a plethora of interest only a few months after your now ex-girlfriend left your heart in tatters. As you probably wanted to boost your self esteem, then I would bet that you were busy giving out your cell phone like sweets. Now you have to reap what you sow.
Valentine’s Day is on the horizon. That means these ladies are trying to gauge your interest, because they don’t fancy being alone on the world’s most romantic day.
TOTAL RESPECT
You have a choice on how to best tackle your romantic future, and must show respect towards any females regardless of what you choose to do.
You can either lick your wounds and dust yourself down, stop using the forced smile and be yourself. Flirting is fine, but if you can’t commit for the time being then make it very clear to any ladies that want to date you that you’re not seeking a serious relationship.
By laying your cards on the table, any interested women will appreciate your honesty rather than think that you are leading them on and eventually resulting in another upsetting break-up.
SHE’S HISTORY
You also need to leave your past behind and not even look up your ex-girlfriend on social media channels. You are only going to end up upset if you see her looking happy while you think of what could have been, or hurt if she’s with another man romantically.
It’s best to simply try and eradicate the fact that your previous relationship ended, and prepare to move on. My advice is to press the reset button and to ensure that you get photographs of you and your ex-girlfriend printed out but put away.
Getting photos off your cell phone and professionally printed will help you to accept the reality that she doesn’t want you in her life. When the images arrive in the post, just file the images and don’t open the envelope for many years.
NEW HOBBY
A mind and body makeover should soon be able to turn your fake smile into a new smile, but only if you can improve the way you look and think. Practice yoga or meditation, find a new hobby that you never had time before with your previous partner on top of altering your diet so you feel healthier and happier.
Consider getting rid of any clothing, watches or accessories that your former flame bought you. Her memories should be treasured, but you don’t want reminders about her as otherwise you’ll never get over the hurdle of being emotionally available again.
Your confidence has taken a severe knock, hence the forced smile. By changing your aftershave, hairstyle and some clothing will help you get some of your self esteem back. Women are attracted to confident (not arrogant) men, and with your healthier look then it is only a matter of time before you will find mutual attraction with someone special.
With respect to handing out your number in future, just don’t do it unless the lady is likely to be an upgrade from your lost love. Men are visual creatures, so try to find out about any women who show interest rather than have your head turned then regret giving out your cell phone number.
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