Should I Chase My New Work Colleague?
Why not send former Kingston-resident Love Doctor your relationship queries? Use the form to submit your question(s).
Question:
I recently started a new job and there’s a guy that I really like. We’ve flirted a bit but nothing more.
I’ve been single since March following a horrible breakup, what’s the best step forward with this work colleague?
M, Portmore
Love Doctor’s Answer:
It’s great news that you feel emotionally ready to pursue a new romance following a tricky finale to your previous relationship. However, you may have to tread with trepidation.
Are you two around the same level at work? The reason I query this is because if one of you is a boss and the other isn’t then it could potentially turn into a nightmare scenario should a romance blossom and then come crashing down.
You’ve just started a new job, so you really don’t need to jeopardise your position with this firm if there’s inequality between you and your love interest at this stage.
Things can completely alter in a few months once you are established in this work environment. If this gentleman or you are in charge, and the other isn’t, then unfortunately there are plenty of possible pitfalls to initially be avoided.
That’s not to dismiss a potential partnership down the line. When the festive season comes along, the Christmas cheer and parties will allow you some leverage to make a move. Until then, if you two work in different tiers then avoid getting too flirty for the time being.
On the other hand, should the pair of you be equals at work then you need to undertake some initial research as to whether he is single. If he is single then you must discreetly find out from colleagues what they think of him before you reveal any interest. You may discover that he is the office tart, and he always flirts outrageously with all of the new ladies.
Once you establish this man’s character from others in the office, then you can consider whether it is worth pursuing him for a potential relationship.
There are a plethora of tricks to grab his attention, but positive body language is your best bet to start with.
Rather than racing up to him and acting like an overexcited puppy, you should flash a smile every time you see him and try to make an eye gaze a second or two longer so that it comes across as flirtatious. If you can learn to smile with your eyes, it is best to practise this in the mirror first until you are happy with it, then that will be wonderful for flirting.
Maybe look at where he goes for lunch, or as he leaves work, so that you can keep coming into his vision without appearing over eager or engaging in conversation. You can always bump into him every now and again.
You want to give off positive vibes, so when you do speak to him then hand him a compliment. Maybe mention his attire, but always something along the lines of “That shirt really suits you”, “I always notice that watch on you, it looks great on you what make is it?” or “You always smell terrific, what’s the scent you are wearing?”. Any of these should open up the conversation, you’ve given him the feelgood factor and he will know that you have noticed him.
Men are visual creatures, so before you get the ball rolling ensure that you have created the best version of you. It doesn’t mean having a complete makeover, but you should consider whether to invest in a daytime signature scent for work and/or upgrade any accessories such as a handbag, jewellery or watch. If you treat yourself to at least one of these then you are giving yourself some self-love and will feel more positive about life.
If you are positive and giving out smiles, then others around you in the work environment will see you as an asset because of your positive persona.
Should you start getting into conversation with this man at work, then try to chat about a mutual interest. In this day and age it is simple enough to check out social media channels to unearth someone’s hobbies. Armed with this information you can research his interests and simply find an excuse to speak to him sometime.
Once you have shown some interest then most men will feel flattered that an attractive-looking lady is keen. This is when he will start to do the chasing, and you have to ensure that you don’t make it too easy for him. Let him chase you for 70% of the time, and you have to chase him for 30% so that you both enjoy the thrill of the chase.
Once you have established mutual interests, then you can suggest exchanging numbers so that you can contact him outside office hours. Cell phone flirting is easy, and will get things rapidly moving along.
Remember to only put your initial rather than your whole name at the end to remain mysterious and interesting, and to only use one lower case x as a kiss to start with. Keep the messages down to one or two sentences, so that you are effectively playing text tennis.
Let him be the man and lead the conversation, and if he doesn’t get courageous enough to ask you out then go for the kill. Offer him two options of when to meet at the weekend. Make it something that is fun like the beach, cinema or dancing as one option and for something as simple as a drink as the other option. If he’s interested in you then he’ll jump at the chance and you have landed your date.
Maintaining the momentum throughout a relationship, and not getting stuck in a rut of only doing the same things week after week, are important if you want a fully fledged romance once you are dating.
Life is too short to let opportunities pass by, so don’t let any awkwardness ruin what could turn out to be a beautiful and meaningful relationship as long as he’s not not your boss or you are his.
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