Do I Hunt Down Prince Charming?
Why not send former Kingston-resident Love Doctor your relationship queries? Use the form to submit your question(s).
Question:
I’ve been thinking about my future because I have recently gone through my mid-life crisis at 40. I enjoy my independence and I never wanted children.
I was engaged in my 20s but he cheated on me. Now I’m older, wiser and I’ve been single for over a year. Should I start searching for my very own Prince Charming?
Marsha, Kingston
Love Doctor’s Answer:
Going through a mid-life crisis happens to everyone, and usually at a milestone birthday like 30, 40 or 50 years of age. As you’ve gone through this then maybe you have assessed that there’s a void in your life.
Whether or not there’s something missing, you are the one who has to determine where finding the perfect partner forever will result in you living happily ever after.
You may decide that you want to be in a serious and committed relationship. You should also consider whether you would be happier getting a pet, like a dog, that will offer you unconditional love on a daily basis.
However, as you state that you enjoy a lifestyle that is independent then perhaps you wouldn’t want either a pet or partner because they would be demanding and require time, love and attention.
The big question is do you have time for a part-time job? If the answer is no, then you shouldn’t contemplate a loving relationship as you won’t be able to devote the necessary time required to successfully build the foundations for a meaningful relationship.
In reality do you need a relationship? Or do you want a partner? There’s a huge difference between needing and wanting. So you also have to think about the potential suitor, because you won’t want to play with his emotions if you enter a loving relationship.
If you are determined to remain independent, then think about why you will not compromise. Maybe you don’t ever wish to settle down, it is not essential. You’ve already mentioned that you have no desire to ever want to become a mother.
It’s interesting that you refer to a possible beau as “Prince Charming”, the ultimate fairytale charmer. As you’ve been hurt in the past, admittedly many years ago, you may have trust issues (as you were cheated on), remain in love with your ex-fiancee and/or no one lives up to him, or maybe don’t feel that anyone else will love you.
A long-term romantic relationship, potentially ending in marriage rather than a string of casual relationships, is always better. There would be no constant rejection, as long as you both show mutual respect by being honest, loyal and trustworthy towards each other.
Forming a truly loving relationship is all about what will work for both parties. Romances only tend to fail when there are expectations of false promises. My advice is to be crystal clear from the start when you start dating.
If you definitely want to pursue a full-on relationship, then you have to realise that your independence is about to vanish and it’s time to start compromising.
I urge you to take a stance when you begin to develop your next romantic relationship. It is best to explain to him that you value your independence, and give him examples, so that he is not all over you like an eager puppy dog. Then you can both embrace the high-quality time spent together, and gradually shake off your over-importance of wishing to be independent.
To get the ball rolling to connect and meet a potential Mr Right, you need to know what you are looking for rather than what you don’t want. Don’t just narrow it down to physical traits, include characteristics in your shopping list to find your own “Prince Charming”.
As you have been off the dating market for a little while, ensure that you are clear in your mind about whether you demand a specific type of man to fulfil your romantic needs. If you start to have any romantic feelings for any love interests, you may need to use both actions and words to get you out of the friend zone.
Try to borrow a dog from a colleague, family member or a good friend to try to strike up a conversion in a park during the weekend. A man’s best friend is meant to be a dog, which is not quite up to diamonds being a girl’s best friend!
If you are lacking inner confidence to meet a potential new squeeze, consider a change or update to your appearance (hair, nails, scent, new attire etc) to add a spring to your step. Also dress to impress, bearing in mind the kind of man that you would eventually like to be romantically involved with.
Simple scenarios, like shopping and walking, will always offer you the chance to meet a single man. Confident ladies can continuously impress men so don’t be afraid to approach and initiate conversation with those without a wedding ring, child or girlfriend in tow.
Supermarkets are excellent places to meet singletons. Lingering down the aisles for alcohol, ready meals and snacks are where singletons will shop. You can always make phone calls to friends while there, should you need to play the waiting game for someone to catch your eye.
An improved version of you, who is so confident, can turn the tables by being the one who makes the first step towards a new relationship. Finding a common interest is a straightforward method to hook in a man, so think about joining some clubs or groups to hunt down any suitable single men.
The majority of single men will love the attention from a lady. Don’t forget that most men are like dogs in that they are only truly interested in someone providing them with affection, food and sex.
You should be fully prepared for when your “Prince Charming” turns up one day, so get ready to compromise enough to stop focusing on being overly independent. When you meet this perfect man, it is all about creating everlasting memories together and mutual respect if you want to truly live happily ever after forever.
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