How Do I Handle A Blast From The Past?

Why not send former Kingston-resident Love Doctor your relationship queries? Use the form to submit your question(s).

Question:

I’ve unexpectedly heard from a trio of exes from years ago, all wishing me a happy new year. I’m unsure whether to reply as I’m in a newish relationship.

We’ve only been dating since the first week in November. I don’t want to rock the boat, but those three ladies were very special to me.

The breakups were mutual, but a very long time ago. I want to respect my new woman. What’s the best solution?

  

Dwayne, Portmore

Love Doctor’s Answer:

The Love Doctor and his lady

Well you are best to tread with trepidation, and certainly not let your latest lady feel insecure with you being in contact with previous love interests.

The festive season is always sugar-coated in the media, especially on television, when everyone is portrayed to be loved up and in couples. This could well have been the trigger for these exes to suddenly make contact with you.

These ladies may believe that they have a fighting chance to potentially win back your heart, and a message is a clear signal to try to grab your attention.

You used the word unexpectedly, so that sounds as though none of them are usually in touch with you to wish you a happy new year. If that’s the case then it’s best to steer clear of any communication to avoid any confusion with exes.

However, if it’s a question of being polite then the best bet is to be open and honest with your new love interest. Explain that you always wish to have a trustworthy relationship, and that you heard from three exes. If she gives you the green light to communicate back that’s great, although you must be extremely careful and don’t call any of them special to her.

My advice is to ensure, even if you’ve been given the go-ahead to belatedly wish any of these former girlfriends a happy new year, that you do so via WhatsApp and with a cosy photo of you with your latest squeeze. This will convey the fact that you are in a solid and loving relationship, plus it offers the option to block any untoward messages.

  

If your new girlfriend is the jealous type then don’t even consider asking her, or replying, as there will be all hell let loose. Picking up the pieces when a woman is jealous can be a logistical and long drawn-out nightmare.

If a relationship has failed, for whatever reason, then unless the person was truly a soul mate then they should be forgotten and subjected to the past however special they were. By not letting go of the past provides a barrier to moving forwards in any relationship, and should be avoided at all costs.

Now’s the time going into the new year for you to focus on the future, and concentrate on your new lady. Give her 100% of your attention and devotion.

It’s flattering that previous love interests were kind enough to wish you a happy new year, but generally people tend to only get in touch when they want something. In this case, any of those ladies could be trying to test the water as to whether you are available or they could just be jolted into thinking about you. It’s imperative not to allow these messages to play with your mind or emotions.

With either scenario, as the messages were unexpected then it appears that they wished to check you out and discover your relationship status. Be wary of entering any form of communication, because if you start this with a friendly happy new year then before you know it they have asked to meet up for old times sake.

Your new girlfriend may be the best thing since sliced bread to you now, but she could rightly blow her top if she learned that you were meeting any old flames.

You surely don’t wish to jeopardise what you have, so it’s best to ignore these three messages and alter your WhatsApp image to you and your lady to reiterate your solid relationship.

If you feel that you have no real future with your current girlfriend then that’s a different story. You mustn’t lead her on into falsely believing that you have a long-term relationship ahead.

Should one of these ladies mean more to you than your latest lady, then it’s best to write a list of five positive things and five negative things about your girlfriend. Work your way through the list and cross out what is roughly equal in each the positive and negative columns. Then look with what you have left, which will help you make a decision about your future with her.

  

Before you consider whether one of these ladies is worthy of a potential second shot, you need to work out which one was the best fit for you. Compile a list for each of their three best physical features and top three characteristics. From these you can calculate the top three as gold, silver and bronze.

However, you must ONLY consider the lady that finished in first place because the other two were not the best fit, and if you tried to rekindle the broken relationship from the past it is most unlikely to work out. You should always give your special lady your heart and soul, not just be involved for convenience.

At least be loyal and true to your heart, don’t deceive your girlfriend and get her involved. She needs a man that can be trusted and relied on, and you need a lady that doesn’t explode like a volcano when it’s hot if you happen to mention you hear from exes.

You’ve done nothing wrong, and maybe she’ll be open with you and inform you if any former beaus are in touch with her. Good communication is a vital ingredient to a long-lasting and loving relationship, so plant the seeds for having excellent and open communication with your current girlfriend.


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