How Do I Reignite Our Fire In Our Hearts?
Why not send former Kingston-resident Love Doctor your relationship queries? Use the form to submit your question(s).
Question:
My boyfriend appears to be losing interest in me. I know that he’s not cheating on me, he just doesn’t seem to notice me like he used to.
The spark has gone from him compared to when we started dating two years ago. He never gives me any compliments. The breaking point was no comment from him on my latest new hairstyle. What should I do to try to turn things around or am I wasting my time with him?
C, Kingston
Love Doctor’s Answer:
All relationships can be repaired, as long as there’s good communication and the desire from both parties to make things solid.
Initially think about whether something too personal was said by you, when you should have kept a lid on things. This could explain why he is acting uninterested. If you were in the wrong then apologise profusely, and ask if he can forget your bad words stated in a temper.
Sadly many couples lose respect for each other by saying something bad. Without a filter the deep trust can be lost, which often ignites the start of the end of the relationship.
To try to turn things around, my advice is to start getting him involved in conversation, jolt his mind about the past and together make some exciting plans for a happy future as a couple.
At least you know that he’s loyal, so it could mean that he’s simply become a bit too complacent about the two of you. Hence the lack of compliments and failing to mention your new hairstyle.
Poor communication between couples is the biggest killer of relationships, so it needs to be addressed as priority if you want to rescue this partnership.
To gauge his attention I suggest that you start appealing to his senses. Get yourself some aromatic candles and some citrus-scented perfume to heighten his sexual senses and start noticing you.
The smell of citrus increases blood flow to the sexual organs and improves alertness. If you really wish to grab his attention then have some oranges and pink grapefruit in a bowl around your home when he next visits. You can even be so bold as to gently rub these on your neck, wrists and down your arms to offer him a light citrus smell when he sees you.
It’s vital to play the seductive card in order to arouse his sexual instincts. It sounds like he could have lost his mojo and libido, but needs to get these back on track asap. Maybe his hormones have settled down and the excitement of being in love has totally worn off.
There’s plenty of aphrodisiac foods and drinks in large supermarkets to try, but I would go for the more subtle and basic ways to cause an arousing effect.
The combined scent of fresh popcorn and warm donuts provides uplifting and familiar smells that will hit the mark.
Have some black liquorice and peppermints on hand, as both of these work wonders in terms of forbidden desire. The sweet scent of liquorice, which derives from anise, enhances arousal. Ensure that your mints actually contain real peppermint oil, and that you suck on some of these about an hour before you meet.
Should any of these not do the trick, you’ll need to up the ante and cook a romantic meal. Either make it a surprise, although it seems that it would be best to inform him first so that he can make some sort of effort.
With either a casual popcorn, donuts and movie night or a thoughtfully prepared romantic dinner, you must address the ongoing problems between you. However, this needs to be extremely subtle.
To prepare for either of these it’s essential that you look and feel confident, otherwise he’s not going to appreciate you. And his failure to appreciate you is the underlying issue as far as you are concerned.
You need to build up to this rendezvous by ensuring that you utter those special three words of “I love you” when appropriate.
Men are generally visual creatures, so for him to not compliment you about your latest hairstyle is surprising. There’s no need to splash the cash on new outfits to grab his attention, it’s going to take words from you instead.
Try to get the good times into his head by posing such questions as “Do you remember our first date?”, “Were you nervous during our first kiss?” and “When did you first realise that you loved me?”
These moments helped build you into a loving relationship, even though your partnership has fallen flat recently. He should start to recall why you melted his heart by returning to the past and your combined happiness.
Once the conversation is flowing, continue jolting his mind down memory lane and pose the question “What is your favourite memory with me?”
Armed with his response provides the perfect opportunity to suggest rekindling the moment that’s his very favourite memory with you.
Discuss repeating that magical moment next year, and bring up the future so you’ll know where you stand in his mind and on a long-term basis.
Politely ask him, but only after you’ve explored whether you can repeat his favourite memory with you, the vital question of “What do you look forward to experiencing with me?”
His reply will be a massive indication of whether you have a happy future together, whether he is content to let it just drift or whether the end is nigh and the relationship has run its course.
Your personal growth as a couple needs to be encouraged and supported by each of you in order for the relationship to truly work.
What deeply motivates us as human beings is the fact that we must have something planned. We need an event or occasion to look forward to like birthdays, festive seasons, holidays and so forth.
These provide us with a purpose in life, and with your current scenario the romance requires some purpose. Just both parties must show the desire and inclination to make it work. With exciting plans in place, your partnership can repair itself and develop into a loving, long-term relationship.
People, especially those with insecurity issues, allow their relationship to drift on. This is unhealthy. All of the time you are with the wrong person takes away the potential time you could spend with the right person.
Only you two can determine what you truly want out of a romantic relationship. My advice is to determine whether this is a blip with your boyfriend or whether the relationship has crashed.
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